After work, she drove across town to the Wenatchee World building.
“Hey,” she said from the doorway of Jeff’s office.
He looked up from the paperwork on his desk. She could tell that he hadn’t been sleeping well, and his shirt was in need of washing. His unshaven jaw made him look different, younger, hipper; someone she didn’t know.
He ran a hand through his sandy blond hair. “Meredith. ”
“I should have come sooner. ”
“I expected you to. ”
She glanced out the window, at the cars rolling past. “You were right to leave. We need to figure out where to go from here. ”
“Is that what you came to tell me?”
Was it? Even now she wasn’t sure.
He got up from the desk and came toward her. She felt his gaze on her face, searching her eyes for something. “Because that’s not what I’m waiting to hear. ”
“I know. ” She hated to disappoint him, but she couldn’t give him what he wanted, even though it would be easier to say the words and get her life back and think about it later. “I’m sorry, Jeff. But you changed things, and you got me thinking. For once, I don’t want to do what’s expected. I don’t want to put everyone’s happiness above my own. And right now I don’t know what to say to you. ”
“Can you say you don’t love me?”
“No. ”
He thought about that, not quite frowning. “Okay. ” He sat down on the edge of his desk, and she felt the distance between them suddenly in a way she hadn’t before. “Maddy said you sent her a care package last week. ”
“Jillian got hers the week before. ”
He nodded, looked at her. “And your dad’s birthday?”
“I got through it. I’ll tell you about it someday. There’s a funny Nina story in it. ”
Someday.
She was about to ask him about his book when there was a knock at his door. A beautiful young woman with messy blond hair poked her head in his office. “You still up for pizza and beer, Jeff?” she asked, curling her fingers around the doorframe.
Jeff looked at Meredith, who shrugged.
For the first time, she wondered about what he was doing while they were apart. It had never occurred to her that he might forge a new life, make new friends. She smiled a little too brightly and said good-bye in a steady voice. Nodding briefly to Miss Journalism USA in the tight jeans and V-neck sweater, she left the office and drove home. There, she fed the dogs and paid some bills and put in a load of wash. Dinner was a bowl of Raisin Bran, which she ate while standing in front of the sink. Afterward, she called each of the girls and heard about the classes they were taking and the boys they thought were hot.
It was Jillian who asked about Jeff.
“What do you mean, how’s Dad?” Meredith said, stammering, realizing a second too late that it had been an innocent question.
“You know, his allergies. He was coughing like crazy last night. ”
“Oh, that. He’s fine. ”
“You sound weird. ”
Meredith laughed nervously. “Just busy, baby. You know how the apple biz gets this time of year. ”
“What does that have to do with Dad?”
“Nothing. ”
“Oh. Well. Tell him I love him, okay?”