"I missed you so much," Kate said, tightening her hold.
Tully couldnt answer. It was all she could do not to cry. She wondered if Kate knew, really knew, how important their friendship was to her. "I got our bikes," she said, stepping back, looking away so Kate wouldnt see her moist eyes.
"Cool. "
Within minutes they were on their way, flying down Summer Hill, their hands outstretched to catch the wind. At the bottom of the hill, they ditched their bikes in the trees and walked down the long and winding road to the river. All around them trees chattered among themselves; the wind sighed, and leaves fluttered down from branches in an early sign of the coming autumn.
Kate flopped down in their old spot, her back rested against the mossy log, her feet stretched out in the grass that had grown tall in their absence.
Tully felt an unexpected pinch of nostalgia for their youth. Theyd spent most of one summer here, taking their separate, lonely lives and braiding them into a rope of friendship. She lay down beside Kate, scooting close enough that their shoulders were touching. After the last few days, she needed to know that her best friend was finally beside her. She positioned her transistor radio nearby and turned up the volume.
"Hell Week with Bugs was even worse than usual," Kate said. "I did talk Sean into eating a slug, though. It was worth the weeks allowance I lost. " She giggled. "You should have seen his face when I started laughing. Aunt Georgia tried to talk to me about birth control. Can you believe it? She said I should—"
"Do you even know how lucky you are?" The words were out before Tully could stop them, spilling like jelly beans from a machine.
Kate shifted her weight and turned, until she was lying sideways in the grass, looking at Tully. "You usually want to hear everything about the camping trip. "
"Yeah, well. Ive had a bad week. "
"Did you get fired?"
"Thats your idea of a bad week? I want your perfect life, just for a day. "
Kate drew back, frowning. "You sound pissed at me. "
"Not at you. " Tully sighed. "Youre my best friend. "
"So, who are you mad at?"
"Cloud. Gran. God. Take your pick. " She took a deep breath and said, "Gran died while you were gone. "
"Oh, Tully. "
And there it was, what Tully had been waiting for all week. Someone who loved her and was truly sorry for her. Tears stung her eyes; before she knew it, she was crying. Big, gulping sobs that wracked her body and made it impossible to breathe, and all the while, Kate held her, letting her cry, saying nothing.
When there were no tears left inside, Tully smiled shakily. "Thanks for not saying you felt sorry for me. "
"I am, though. "
"I know. " Tully lay back against the log and stared up at the night sky. She wanted to admit that she was scared and that as alone as shed sometimes felt in life, she knew now what real loneliness was, but she couldnt say the words, not even to Kate. Thoughts—even fears—were airy things, formless until you made them solid with your voice, and once given that weight, they could crush you.
Kate waited a moment, then said, "So what will happen?"
Tully wiped her eyes and reached into her pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. Lighting one up, she took a drag and coughed. It had been years since shed smoked. "I have to go into foster care. Its only for a while, though. When Im eighteen I can live alone. "
"Youre not going to live with strangers," Kate said fiercely. "Ill find Cloud and make her do the right thing. "
Tully didnt bother answering. She loved her friend for saying it, but they lived in two different worlds, she and Kate. In Tullys world, moms werent there to help you out. What mattered was making your own way.
What mattered was not caring.
And the best way not to care was to surround yourself with noise and people. Shed learned that lesson a long time ago. She didnt have long here in Snohomish. In no time at all, the authorities would find her and drag her back to her lovely new family, full of displaced teens and the people paid to house them. "We should go to that party tomorrow night. The one you wrote about in your last letter. "
"At Karens house? The summers-end bash-o-rama?"
"Exactly. "
Kate frowned. "My folks would have a cow if they found out I went to a kegger. "