its all in me
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Just knock me out. I mean it. If they wont give me drugs, get a baseball bat and hit me. This breathing is bullsh—aagh!" Kate felt the pain twist through her insides and tear her apart.
Beside her Johnny was saying "Come on . . . ha ha ha . . . you can do it. Breathe ha . . . ha . . . like this. Remember our class? Focus. Visualize. Dyou want that statue we—"
She grabbed him by the collar and yanked him close. "So help me God, if you mention breathing again Im going to take you down. I want drugs—"
And it was back, wrenching, cutting, twisting through her until she cried out. For the first six hours shed been pretty good. Shed focused and breathed and kissed her husband when he leaned down to her and thanked him when he pressed a cool wet rag to her forehead. In the second six hours she lost her natural sense of optimism. The relentless, gnawing pain was like some horrible creature biting away at her, leaving less and less.
By hour seventeen she was a flat-out, cast-iron bitch. Even the nurse came and went like Speed Racer.
"Come on, baby, breathe. Its too late for drugs. You heard the doctor. It wont be much longer. "
She noticed that even as he tried to soothe her, Johnny didnt get too close. He was like some terrorized soldier in a minefield whod just seen his best friend blown up. He was afraid to move at all.
"Wheres Mom?"
"I think she went down to call Tully again. "
Kate tried to concentrate on her breathing, but it didnt help. The pain was rising again, cresting. She clung to the bedrails with sweaty hands. "Get . . . me . . . ice . . . chips!" She screamed the last word. It would have been funny, watching Johnny bolt for the door, if she hadnt felt like that girl swimming alone in Jaws.
The door to her private room banged open. "I hear someone is being a total bitch-o-rama in here. "
Kate tried to smile, but another contraction was starting. "I dont . . . want . . . to . . . do this anymore. "
"Changed your mind? Good timing. " Tully moved to the side of the bed.
The pain hit again.
"Scream," Tully said, stroking her forehead.
"Im . . . supposed to . . . breathe through it. "
"Fuck that. Scream. "
She did scream then, and it felt good. When the pain subsided again, she laughed weakly. "I take it youre against Lamaze. "
"I wouldnt call myself a natural childbirth kind of gal. " She looked at Kates swollen belly and pale, sweaty face. "Of course, this is the best birth control commercial Ive ever seen. From now on Im using three condoms every time. " Tully smiled, but her eyes were worried. "Are you okay, really? Should I get the doctor?"
Kate shook her head weakly. "Just talk to me. Distract me. "
"I met a guy last month. "
"Whats his name?"
"That would be your first question. Grant. And before you barrel through some idiotic Cosmo girl list of how-well-do-you-know-your-man questions, let me say that I dont know squat about him except that he kisses like a god and screws like a devil. "
Another contraction hit. Kate arched up and screamed again. As if from a distance she could hear Tullys voice, feel her stroking her forehead, but the pain was so overwhelming she couldnt do anything except gasp. "Shit," she said when it was over. "The next time Johnny comes near me Im going to smack him. "
"You were the one who wanted a baby. "
"Im getting a new best friend. I need someone with a shorter memory. "
"I have a short memory. Did I tell you Im seeing someone? Hes perfect for me. "
"Why?" Kate said, panting.