Firefly Lane (Firefly Lane 1)

"And you want my blessing," she said dully.

"I need it. "

"Youll go no matter what I say, so why the big act?"

He came up on his knees, took her face in his hands, and held her steady. She tried to pull away, but he wouldnt let her. "They need me. Ive got experience. "

"I need you. Marah needs you, but that doesnt matter, does it?"

"It matters. "

She felt the heat of tears flood her eyes; they blurred her vision.

"If you say no, I wont go. "

"Okay, no. You cant go. I wont let you. I love you, Johnny. You could die over there. "

He let go of her, sat back on his heels, and stared at her. "Is that your answer?"

The tears fell, streaked down her cheeks. Angrily, she wiped them away. She wanted to say, Yes. Fuck, yes. Thats my answer.

But how could she deny him this? Not only was it what he wanted, but down even deeper, there was something else, that tattered, ugly remnant of fear that floated to the surface sometimes, reminded her that hed loved Tully first. It made Kate afraid to deny him anything. She wiped her eyes again. "Promise me you wont die, Johnny. "

He climbed into bed and took her in his arms and while she held him as tightly as she could, already it didnt feel safe. It felt as if he were dissolving in her embrace, disappearing bit by bit. "I promise I wont die. "

They were empty words, made worse by the fervor with which he spoke.

She couldnt help thinking of this morning, when shed woken with the feeling that something would go wrong today. "I mean it, Johnny. If you die over there Ill hate you forever. I swear to God I will. "

"You know youll always love me. "

The words, and the easy, victorious way he said them made her want to cry all over again. It wasnt until much later, after theyd had a romantic dinner in their room and made love and snuggled into each others waiting arms, that she thought about what shed said to him, the terrible, wrenching horror of her threat; the gauntlet shed thrown down to God.

Tully eased off Grants naked body and flopped onto the bed, still breathing hard. "Wow," she said, closing her eyes. "That was great. "

"Indeed it was. "

"Im so glad you were in town this weekend. This was exactly what I needed. "

"You and me both, my love. "

She loved listening to his accent, feeling his naked body against hers. This was a moment to hang on to, to cling to, even, because as soon as he left her bed, she knew her unease would come back. Shed been battling it since her call to Kate. Nothing could disrupt her self-confidence or make her feel edgy like being mad at her best friend.

Grant sat up in bed.

She touched his back, thought about asking him to stay the night again, to put off his meeting, but that wasnt the kind of relationship they had. They were friends who met for sex and laughter for a few hours and then went their own ways.

Beside him, the bedside phone rang. He reached for it.

"Dont answer it. I dont want to talk to anyone. "

"I gave the office this number. " He picked up the phone and answered. "Hello? . . . Grant," he said. "And who are you? Oh, I see. " He paused, frowning, then laughed. "I can do that. " He held the phone to his naked chest and turned to Tully. "Your best friend forever says—and I quote—that you are to get your lily-white ass out of your bed and come to the damn phone. She says further that if you give her any shit on this of all days that she will beat you until you beg for mercy. " He chuckled again. "She sounds serious. "

"Ill take the call. "

Grant handed her the phone and walked naked toward the bathroom. When he shut the door, Tully brought the phone to her ear and said, "Who is this?"

"Very funny. "