Kate just stared up at her.
Tully reached down, let her knuckles graze Kates warm cheek. "Its Tully, the bitch who used to be your best friend. Im so sorry for what I did to you, Katie. I should have told you that a long time ago. " She made a tiny, desperate sound. If Kate didnt remember her, remember them, she didnt think she could bear it. "I remember when I first met you, Katie Mularkey Ryan. You were the first person who ever really wanted to know me. Naturally I treated you like shit at first, but when I got raped you were there for me. " The memories overtook her. She wiped her eyes. "Youre thinking Im only talking about me, right? Typical, you say. But I remember you, too, Katie; every second. Like when you read Love Story and couldnt figure out what sonovabitch meant because it wasnt in the dictionary . . . or when you swore youd never French-kiss because it was gross-o-rama. " Tully shook her head, fighting to keep it together. Her whole life was in the room with them now. "We were so damned young, Katie. But were not young anymore. You remember that first time I left Snohomish, and we wrote about a million letters? We signed them Forever friends . . . or Best friends forever. Which was it . . . "
Tully spun out the story of their years; sometimes she even laughed, like when she told about riding their bikes down Summer Hill or running from the cops on the night they got busted. "Oh, heres one youll know. Remember when we went to Petes Dragon because we thought it was an action movie, only it was a cartoon? We were the oldest kids in the theater, and we came out singing You and Me Against the World, and we said it would always be that way—"
"Stop. "
Tully drew in a sharp breath.
There were tears in her friends eyes, and more streaking down her temples. Theyd formed a small gray patch of wetness on the pillow behind her head. "Tully," Kate said in a soft, swollen voice, "did you really think I could forget you?"
Tullys relief was so huge she felt weak in the knees. "Hey," she said. "You didnt have to go so far to get my attention, you know. " She touched her friends bald head, let her fingers linger on the baby-soft skin. "You could have just called. "
"I did call. "
Tully flinched. "Im so sorry, Katie. I—"
"Youre a bitch," Kate said, smiling tiredly. "Ive always known that. And I could have called back, too. I guess no one stays friends for more than thirty years without a few broken hearts along the way. "
"I am a bitch," Tully said miserably, her eyes welling up. "I should have called. It was just . . . " She didnt even know what to say, how to explain this dark rip that had always been inside of her.
"No looking back, okay?"
"That only leaves ahead," Tully said, and the words were like bits of broken metal, sharp and cold.
"No," Kate said. "It leaves now. "
"I did a show on breast cancer a few months ago. Theres a doctor in Ontario doing amazing things with some new drug. Ill call him. "
"Im done with treatments. Ive had them all and none has worked. Just . . . be with me. "
Tully took a step back. "Im here to watch you die. Is that what youre telling me? Because I say no fucking way to that. I wont do it. "
Kate looked up at her, smiling just a little. "Thats all there is, Tully. "
"But—"
"Do you really think Johnny just gave up on me? You know my husband. Hes just like you and were almost as rich. For six months I saw every specialist on the planet. I did conventional and unconventional and naturopathic remedies. I even went to that faith healer in the rain forest. I have kids; I did everything I could to stay healthy for them. None of it worked. "
"So what do I do?"
Kates smile was almost like the old days. "Thats my Tul. Im dying of cancer and you ask about you. " She laughed.
"Thats not funny. "
"I dont know how to do this. "
Tully wiped her eyes. The truth of what they were really talking about pressed in on her. "Well do it like weve done everything else, Kate. Side by side. "
Tully came out of Kates room shaken. She made a small sound, a kind of gasp, and covered her mouth with her hand.
"You cant hold it in," Mrs. M. said, coming up to her.
"I cant let it out. "
"I know. " Mrs. Ms voice cracked, stumbled. "Just love her. Be there for her. Thats all there is. Believe me, Ive cried and argued and bargained with God, Ive begged the doctors for hope. All thats past now. Shes most worried about the kids. Marah especially. Theyve had such a rough go of it—well, you know about that—and Marah seems to have shut down for all of this. No tears, no drama. All she does is listen to music. "
They walked back out to the waiting room, only to find everyone gone.