as still tiny, almost birdlike, and since she often wore her teenage daughter's clothes, she appeared ten years younger than her forty-one years. Tonight, her long black hair was held back in a braid that snaked almost to her waist. She wore a pair of low-rise, flare-legged black pants and a cable-knit red sweater. She was talking now--there was no surprise in that; she was always talking. Papa had always joked that his eldest daughter sounded like a blender on high speed.
Livvy was standing off to the left, slicing fresh mozzarella. She looked like a Bic pen in her black silk sheath. The only thing higher than her heels was the puffiness of her teased hair. Long ago, Livvy had left West End in a rush, certain that she could become a model. She'd stayed in Los Angeles until the sentence "Could you please undress now?" started to accompany every job interview. Five years ago, just after her thirty-fourth birthday, she'd come home, bitter at her lack of success, defeated by the effort, dragging with her two young sons who had been fathered by a man none of the family had ever seen or met. She'd gone to work at the family restaurant, but she didn't like it. She saw herself as a big-city girl trapped in a small town. Now she was married--again; it had been a quickie ceremony last week at the Chapel of Love in Las Vegas. Everyone hoped that Salvatore Traina--lucky choice number three-- would finally make her happy.
Angie smiled. So much of her time had been spent in this kitchen with these three women; no matter how old she got or what direction her life took, this would always be home. In Mama's kitchen, you were safe and warm and well loved. Though she and her sisters had chosen different lives and tended to meddle too often in one another's choices, they were like strands of a single rope. When they came together, they were unbreakable. She needed to be a part of that again; she'd been grieving alone for too long.
She stepped into the kitchen and put the box down on the table. "Hey, guys. "
Livvy and Mira surged forward, enfolded her in a hug that smelled of Italian spices and drugstore perfume. They held her tightly; Angie felt the wetness of tears on her neck, but nothing was said except "It's good to have you home. "
"Thanks. " She gave her sisters one last tight hug, then went to Mama, who opened her arms. Angie stepped into the warmth of that embrace. As always, Mama smelled of thyme, Tabu perfume, and Aqua Net hair spray. The scents of Angie's youth.
Mama hugged her so tightly that Angie had to draw in a gulp of air. Laughing, she tried to step back, but Mama held on.
Angie stiffened instinctively. The last time Mama had held Angie this tightly, Mama had whispered, You'll try again. God will give you another baby.
Angie pulled out of the embrace. "Don't," she said, trying to smile.
That did it--just the quietly voiced plea. Mama reached for the Parmesan grater and said, "Dinner's ready. Mira, get the kids to the table. "
The dining room held fourteen people comfortably and fifteen tonight. An ancient mahogany table, brought here from the old country, held center stage in a big, windowless room papered in rose and burgundy. An ornate wooden crucifix hung on the wall beside a portrait of Jesus. Adults and children were crammed around the table. Dean Martin sang in the other room.
"Let us pray," Mama said as soon as everyone was seated. When silence didn't fall instantly, she reached over and thwopped Uncle Francis on the head.
Francis dropped his chin and closed his eyes. Everyone followed suit and began the prayer. Their voices joined as one: "Bless us, O Lord, and these thy gifts which we are about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord. Amen. "
When the prayer ended, Mama stood up quickly, raised her wineglass. "We drink a toast now to Sal and Olivia. " Her voice vibrated; her mouth trembled. "I do not know what to say. Toasting is a mans job. " She abruptly sat down.
Mira touched Mamas shoulder and stood up. "We welcome Sal to our family. May you two find the kind of love that Mama and Papa had. May you have full cupboards and warm bedrooms and--" She paused. Her voice softened. "--many healthy babies. "
Instead of laughter and clapping and clanking glasses, there was silence.
Angie drew a sharp breath and looked up at her sisters.
"Im not pregnant," Livvy said quickly. "But . . . were trying. "
Angie managed to smile, although it was wobbly and weak and fooled no one. Everyone was looking at her, wondering how she would handle another baby in the family. They all tried so hard not to bruise her.
She raised her glass. "To Sal and Livvy. " She spoke quickly, hoping her tears would pass for joy. "May you have many healthy babies. "
Conversations started up again. The table became a frenzy of clanging forks and knives scratching on porcelain and laughter. Although this family gathered for every holiday and two Monday nights a month, they never ran out of things to say.
Angie glanced around the table. Mira was talking animatedly to Mama about a school fund-raiser that needed to be catered; Vince and Uncle Francis were arguing about last weeks Huskies-Ducks game; Sal and Livvy were kissing every now and then; the younger kids were spitting peas at one another; and the older ones were arguing about whether Xbox or PlayStation was better. Conlan was asking Aunt Giulia about her upcoming hip replacement surgery.
Angie couldnt concentrate on any of it. She certainly couldnt make idle conversation. Her sister wanted a baby, and so it would happen. Livvy would probably get pregnant between Leno and the news. Oops, I forgot my diaphragm. That was how it happened for her sisters.
After dinner, as Angie washed the dishes, no one spoke to her, but everyone who walked past the sink squeezed her shoulder or kissed her cheek. Everyone knew there were no more words to say. Hopes and prayers had been offered so many times over the years, theyd lost their sheen. Mama had kept a candle burning at St. Cecilias for almost a decade now, and still it would be Angie and Conlan alone in the car tonight, a couple whod never multiplied into a family.
Finally, she couldnt stand it anymore. She tossed the dishrag on the table and went up to her old bedroom. The pretty little room, still wallpapered in roses and white baskets, held twin beds ruffled in pink bedding. She sat down on the end of her bed.
Ironically, shed once knelt on this very floor and prayed not to be pregnant. Shed been seventeen at the time, dating Tommy Matucci. Her first love.
The door opened and Conlan walked in. Her big, black-haired Irishman husband looked ridiculously out of place in her little girls room.
"Im fine," she said.
"Yeah, right. "
She heard the bitterness in his voice, felt stung by it. There was nothing she could do, though. He couldnt comfort her; God knew that had been proven often enough.