The Things We Do for Love

"Aw, shit. " Mom leaned back onto the nubby avocado-green sofa. "Im sorry, honey. I lost track of the days. " She exhaled again, scooted sideways. "Sit. "

Lauren moved fast, before Mom changed her mind.

"How did it go?"

She snuggled next to her mother. "I met a great guy from USC. He thought I should try and get recommendations from alumni. " She sighed. "I guess who you know helps. "

"Only if who you know will pay the tab, too. "

Lauren heard the hard edge come into her mothers voice, and she winced. "Ill get a scholarship, Mom. Youll see. "

Mom took a long drag on her cigarette and turned slightly, studying Lauren through the filmy haze.

Lauren braced herself. She knew what was coming. Not today. Please.

"I thought Id get a scholarship, too, you know. "

"Please, dont. Lets talk about something else. I got an A+ on my honors history paper. " Lauren tried to get up. Mom grabbed her wrist, held her in place.

"My grades were okay," Mom said, unsmiling, her brown eyes growing even darker. "I lettered in track and basketball. My test scores were damn respectable, too. And I was beautiful. They said I looked like Heather Locklear. "

Lauren sighed. She edged sideways, put a tiny space between them. "I know. "

"Then I went to the Sadie Hawkins dance with Thad Marlow. "

"I know. Big mistake. "

"A few kisses, a few shots of tequila, and there I was with my dress up around my waist. I didnt know then that I was fucked in more ways than just the one. Four months later I was a senior in high school, shopping for maternity dresses. No scholarship for me. No college, no decent job. If one of your stepfathers hadnt paid for beauty school, Id probably be living in the street and eating other peoples leftovers. So, missy, you keep your--"

"Knees shut. Believe me, Mom; I know how I ruined your life. "

"Ruined is harsh," Mom said with a tired sigh. "I never said ruined. "

"I wonder if he had other children," Lauren said. Shed asked this same question every time her fathers name was mentioned. She couldnt seem to help herself, though she knew the answer by heart.

"How would I know? He ran from me like I had the plague. "

"I just . . . wish I had relatives, thats all. "

Mom exhaled smoke. "Believe me, family is overrated. Oh, theyre fine till you screw up, but then, wham!, they break your heart. Dont you count on people, Lauren. "

Lauren had heard all this before. "I just wish--"

"Dont. Itll only hurt you. "

Lauren looked at her mother. "Yeah," she said tiredly. "I know. "

FOUR

FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS, ANGIE DID WHAT SHE DID best: She threw herself into a project. She woke long before dawn and spent all day studying. She called friends and former clients--anyone whod ever been involved in the restaurant or food service business--and wrote down every word of their advice. Then she read and reread the account books until she understood every dollar that came in and every penny that went out. When she finished that, she went to the library. Hour after hour, she sat at the cheap Formica table with books and articles strewn out in front of her. After that, she parked herself at the microfiche machine and read the archived material.

At six oclock, the librarian, Mrs. Martin, whod been old when Angie got her first library card, turned off the lights.

Angie got the hint. She carried several armfuls of books to her car and drove back to the cottage, where she kept reading long into the night. She fell asleep on the sofa, which was infinitely preferable to being in bed alone.

While she was doing her research, her family called like clockwork. She answered each call politely, talked for a few moments, then gently hung up. She would, she said repeatedly, let them know when she was ready to see the restaurant. At each such call, Mama snorted and said crisply, You cannot learn without doing, Angela.

To which Angie replied, I cant do without learning, Mama. Ill let you know when Im ready.