She stared down at the paperwork in front of her. Columns of calculations taunted her. No matter how hard she tried, there wasn’t going to be enough money. Not for a four-year school. If she didn’t get a governor’s full-ride scholarship, she was out of the race.
Down the hall, a door opened.
Lexi looked up, saw Eva coming her way. “You’ve been at that a long time. ”
“College is expensive,” Lexi said with a sigh.
“I wish…”
“What?”
“How did I get to be this age with no money? I hate that I can’t help you more. ”
Lexi felt a rush of affection for this woman who had changed her life, given her a place to belong. “Don’t say that, Eva. You’ve given me everything that matters. ”
Eva looked down at her. She looked worried; the wrinkles around her mouth compressed into deep grooves. “I talked to Barbara today. ”
“How is your sister? Still knitting enough blankets for a third world country?”
Eva sat down across from Lexi. “She wants me to move to Florida with her—after you graduate, of course. I wouldn’t even think of it, but … this weather is hell on my knees. We were thinking maybe you could come, too. There’s a beauty school right down the road. That’s a good trade. People always need their hair cut. ”
Lexi tried to smile. She wanted to, but couldn’t quite find the strength. The idea of being without Eva was frightening, but Florida was so far away. How would she ever see Mia and Zach if she lived in Florida? And would she really have to choose between the people she loved? Was that part of growing up?
“I guess you’re thinking of your young man. You goin’ to school together, then?”
“No. We’ll see each other on vacations, though. I’ll be in Seattle and he’ll come home to see his parents. ”
“So you got it all worked out. ”
“All worked out. ”
“You be careful, Lexi,” Aunt Eva said quietly. “I know what happens when boys get ready to go off to college. That’s when girls make bad choices. Don’t you be one of those girls. ”
“I won’t be. ”
Eva got slowly back to her feet. Lexi noticed how slowly her aunt moved now that the weather had turned cold. She patted Lexi’s shoulder and headed over to the hook by the front door, where her blue Walmart smock hung, waiting. She slipped it on and then put on her coat. “Off to work,” she said. “We got lots of Thanksgiving merch to display. ” She turned. “I’ll get us a turkey. We can have a dinner with all the trimmings. Would you like that?”
“Love it. ”
Eva opened the door and went out into the rainy darkness.
Only a moment or so later, there was a knock at the door. Her aunt must have forgotten something and locked herself out.
Lexi went to the door and opened it.
Zach stood on the top step, holding red roses. “I thought she’d never leave. ”
“Zach! What are you doing here?”
He pulled her into his arms and kissed her until she was clinging to him like a drowning girl. “I had to see you,” he said finally, his breath as ragged as hers. Then he picked her up and carried her down the hallway. The whole house shook, and somewhere she dropped the flowers. He put her down on her narrow twin bed and covered her body with his, kissing her. When he pressed against her, she could feel his hardness through her jeans.
His tongue played with hers, and the feel of it pushed her toward something, a wanting—a needing—that was new and frightening and powerful. Without thinking about it, she pulled him onto her, so she could feel how much he wanted her.
He cursed and broke free, sliding off of her. At her confused frown, he tried to smile, but the look in his eyes was dark. She saw her own desire mirrored there. The difference was that he wasn’t afraid. “It’s better if we don’t do that,” he said shakily.
“I know,” she said, pulling her sweater back down. Her eyes stung, and she didn’t know why exactly, but she felt ashamed. She rolled onto her side, away from him. He tucked up against her, molded his body to hers.
“Why are you so afraid of me, Lexi? I don’t mean sex. I mean me. Why are you so sure I’ll hurt you?”