“Someday—”
“—and I’m the one who is endangering Christmas. ”
“Zach and Lexi are not going to school together, Jude. Stop worrying. This is nothing. I promise you. ”
“Fine,” she finally said. “I will keep my opinion to myself. ”
“Yeah,” he said, smiling indulgently. “And you’re so good at that. ”
Jude sighed. “I’ll try. But I’ll tell you this, Miles. They better go to separate schools. ”
Moving with an uncustomary stiffness, Jude went back into the great room and returned to her place at the end of the table. Miles held out her chair for her and squeezed her shoulder as she sat down.
The mood had changed. There was no mistaking the sudden quiet. Mia and Zach were both looking at her with the wariness of the guilty.
She managed a tight smile and said, “Don’t you just love it when it snows for Christmas?”
Someone answered—honestly, she barely knew who it was. Perhaps her mother, saying something about the weather.
Jude’s hands were trembling just a little, and if she were a woman who had to worry about her blood pressure, she would have worried now. She understood suddenly why so many of her friends had warned her about the stresses of senior year. It was only December, and already their lives felt out of kilter, as if the warm water that had always buoyed them up had abruptly begun to drain away. There was danger in shallow water, unseen shoals. Like love and parties and children who lied to you.
“I need to return that pink sweater,” Mia said at one point. “It’s way too big. I want to get something to wear to Timmy’s party on Saturday. You want to come to the mall with me, Mom?”
Jude looked up. “Timmy’s party?”
“It’s on Saturday, remember?” Mia said.
“You two are not going to a party on Saturday,” Jude said, stunned that they would even think to ask.
Zach looked up sharply. “You said we could go. ”
“That was before you called me, drunk, at one-twenty to come pick you up. ”
“You said we should call you,” Zach said. “I knew we’d get into trouble for it. ”
“You let them go to a party?” her mother said, her carefully arched eyebrows raised. “With alcohol?”
Jude drew a deep breath and exhaled it to stay calm. The last thing she needed now was parenting advice from a woman who’d handled motherhood as if it were radioactive waste. “You did the right thing by calling. I’m glad you did. But you also got drunk, and that’s the wrong thing. We’ve talked about this. ”
“We learned our lesson,” Zach said. “We won’t drink again. But—”
“No buts. This is the last week of winter break, and I want to spend it as a family. We’re going to Molly and Tim’s tomorrow, and your grandmother’s gallery is having a special show on Monday night. Ty and Lexi are welcome to come over as much as you want them to, but no party on Saturday. ”
Zach started to come out of his chair. Miles put a hand on his son’s shoulder, guided him back down.
“I knew it,” Zach muttered, slumping into his seat, scowling.
Jude tried to find a smile again and couldn’t. Maybe God had designed senior year so that mothers like her could let their children leave home. If this kept up, it would be easier than she’d thought.
* * *
In January, on the last day of winter break, precipitation began as an icy, misting rain but quickly transformed into lacy white flakes that frosted fence posts and telephone wires. Soon, the roads were thick with new snow and red safety cones appeared at the bottom of steep hills. Kids bundled up and went out to sled on the barricaded hills; their moms stood by in groups, talking among themselves and taking pictures.
Lexi and Zach were at her house, snuggled up together in her twin bed. On her bedside table, a scented candle burned brightly, dispelling the slightly damp-smelling air that always came to the mobile home when the windows were shut.
“My aunt will be home soon. ”
“Define soon. ”