Ten
For the next few days, Jude felt a little unsteady, adrift. A bullet had been dodged, there was no doubt about that. Lexi had somehow convinced Zach to follow through on the plans that had been made. It should have been a more than satisfactory conclusion, and it was, but like all compromises, something had been lost by everyone. There was a fissure in this house now, a resentment that was new. Jude couldn’t remember when Zach had been so angry at her. Zach, her pliable, lovable boy, had become a surly, angry teenager who slouched in his chair and mumbled his sentences. He was pissed at his sister and his mother—and maybe at Lexi, who knew?—and he wanted everyone to know it.
Jude had tried to give him space. In the days since the blowup, she’d walked carefully around him, treated him with exaggerated care, but the price to her was high. She simply couldn’t stand being on the outs with her children. Last night, she’d hardly slept at all for worrying about it. Instead she’d lain in bed, staring up at the ceiling, envisioning one conversation after another. In her imaginings, she and Zach always ended up laughing about their differences … and he rededicated himself to USC and his sister. Sometimes he even finished with, I know how young we are, Madre, don’t worry so much, it’s cool, thanks …
Now, she stood at her bedroom window, staring out at her backyard as evening fell across the water.
Tonight was the last big high school party of the year—the grad barbeque. Truth be told, she didn’t want to let them go. There was so much unresolved between them, so many things to discuss, but she knew nothing would be solved tonight. And if she denied them this party, they’d never speak to her again. But tomorrow. Tomorrow they were going to work through all this drama and get back on track. This was their last year together; she’d be damned if they’d spend it like strangers.
“Mom?” Mia said, knocking at her bedroom door and opening it wide. “Can I talk to you?”
That was fast becoming a dangerous sentence. Jude turned, forced a smile. “Of course, honey. ”
Mia looked beautiful in the bright late-afternoon light. She was dressed for the party in a pair of ragged, cutoff jeans with carefully placed holes, a tight white T-shirt, and a vintage men’s paisley vest that hung off her slim shoulders. Her hair had been drawn back from her face in a loose ponytail; several red metallic baby barrettes held the tiny wisps out of her eyes. “You look sad. ”
“I’m fine. ”
Mia came up beside Jude, put an arm around her waist, and leaned against her. Side by side, supported by each other, they stared out the window. “He loves her, Mom. ”
“What does that—”
Mia turned, tilted her face up. “He loves her. ”
Jude fell silent. For the first time, the words actually resonated. Love. All this time she’d minimized it, trimmed its sails because of their age. She’d told herself they were too young to understand their own lives. But it was true, their love; it might not last, but it was real.
“I’m breaking them up, making him go to school with me, and you know what the worst part is? They’ve stuck with me. ”
Jude touched her daughter’s cheek, seeing the pain in Mia’s eyes. This daughter of hers was so sensitive. “Of course they have. They’ll always be there for you. ”
“I need to be there for them, too. That’s the point. ”
“You are. ”
“I’m not going to USC, Mom. The three of us can go to community college and get an apartment. ”
“Mia—”
“If you and Dad won’t pay for it, we’ll get jobs. It’s the right thing to do, Madre. You always said nothing mattered more than love and family. Did you mean it?”
“Mia, we’ve paid deposits, made commitments. It’s not this simple. You can’t just—”
The sound of footsteps in the hallway interrupted them. Zach came into the room. “There yo
u are, Mia. It’s time to go. ”
“Mom and I are talking,” Mia said.
Zach rolled his eyes. “Just tell her you’ll do what she wants. That’s the A answer for team Farraday. ”
“That’s not fair, Zach,” Jude said. She felt unsettled, as if everything was unspooling around her, falling free, rolling away, and she couldn’t find anything to hold onto.
“Fair?” Zach said. “Is that what matters now? You used to say you wanted us to be happy, but that’s only true when we do what you want us to do. ” He looked at Mia. “Let’s go. We have to pick up Lexi, and I don’t want to be late to the party. ” On that, he turned his back on them and strode out of the room.
“Gotta go, Madre. ” Mia gave Jude a last, sad smile, and followed her brother.
“Wait,” Jude called out, hurrying after her daughter, following her to the front door. Outside, she could see the Mustang, hear its engine roar to life.
“We’ll talk tomorrow,” Jude said to Mia. “This decision about USC is not made. ”