Night Road

“Lexi is the girl who was driving the car that night. ”

“Yes. ”

“We haven’t talked much about her. In fact, I believe you said you’d never come back if I mentioned her again. ”

“Out of sight, out of mind,” Jude answered by rote, tapping her foot again.

“So you saw her again, after all these years, and you had a panic attack. ”

“She was talking to Gracie!”

“Her daughter,” Dr. Bloom said.

Jude snapped to her feet and started pacing. She was having trouble breathing. “She gave up that right when she went to prison. She signed documents. ”

“Is that when you think she gave up the right to be a mother? When she went to prison? Or when she killed your daughter?”

“Both,” Jude said, breathing hard now. Her chest hurt. “What’s the difference? She can’t waltz back in and act as if it never happened. Zach finally has his life back on track. I won’t let him see her again. ”

“Sit down, Jude,” Dr. Bloom said in a reasonable voice.

“What if she wants … what if—oh, God. ” Jude drew in a great gulping breath and started to panic. Dr. Bloom was beside her almost instantly, touching her back, rubbing it in a soothing way.

“You’re all right, Jude. Just breathe. Here, sit down. ”

Jude got her breathing under control and the pain in her chest receded. With a shaking hand, she pushed the sweat-dampened hair out of her face and tried to smile. “I’m falling apart. ”

“Would that really be so terrible?”

Jude wrenched away from the doctor. “Are you sure you went to med school?”

“Jude. You can’t control this situation. ”

“Thanks for that pearl. ” She looked longingly at the door. This wasn’t helping. “I should have swallowed a handful of pills when…” She couldn’t say the words out loud. She’d never been able to.

“You thought about it,” Dr. Bloom reminded her. “But even in the darkest times, you had hope. ”

“You think hope is what stopped me?”

“What stopped you?”

She was not going to answer that. She hated the answer, anyway. “I’m worried about Zach, damn it. He’s fragile, like me. He’s never gotten over his guilt … or his grief. To see Lexi again … and what if she wants to be Grace’s mother? I won’t let her be a part of our family again. Oh, God…”

“She’s already a part of your family,” Harriet said.

“Shut up. ”

“Excellent retort. By the way, you don’t sound like a woman who feels nothing for her granddaughter. ”

Jude reached for her purse, snagged it. “I need to see a lawyer, not a shrink. ”

“What makes you think you need a lawyer?”

“I need to protect Grace and Zach. Maybe we need a restraining order…”

“You think keeping Lexi away will protect them?”

“Of course. Have you even been listening to me?”