When it doesnt, a piece of you dies, and day by day, it keeps dying until finally you realize theres nothing of you left.
You tell yourself that only your child matters--the reason you got married in the first place and you can almost believe it. When you hold your baby in your arms, you finally learn what true love really is.
And yet still you wonder, even as youre holding your daughters hand or brushing her hair or reading her a bedtime story . . . you wonder if it can really be enough.
I dont know what to do. My wife and I have drifted so terribly far apart . . . . Please, can you help me?
Lost and Lonely.
Dear Lost and Lonely:
My heart goes out to you. I think all of us know how it feels to be lonely, especially within the supposedly warm circle of a family.
I can tell that youre an honorable man, and you obviously know that breaking up a family is the kind of act that irrevocably destroys lives. Believe me, the loneliness you feel within your family is a pale shadow of the torment youll feel if you walk away.
I pray that if you look hard enough, you will unearth some remnant of the love you once felt for your wife, and that with care, a seed of that emotion can grow again. Seek counseling; talk to professionals and to each other. Take a vacation together. Touch, and not only sexually. Little touches along the way can mean a lot. Get involved in Activities-community events, church events, that kind of thing.
Go see a marriage counselor. You dont want to end a marriage and break your childrens hearts until and unless there is no possible chance for reconciliation.
Trust me on this.
Nora.
The last item was a handwritten letter; there was no column attached to it. Obviously, it had been submitted for publication and rejected. Yet Nora had saved it.
Dear Nora:
My daughter-my precious baby girl-" killed by a drunk driver this year. I understand tragedy now; its taste, its texture . . . the imprint it leaves on you.
I find that I cant talk to people anymore, not even my wife, who needs me more than ever. I see her, sitting on the end of the bed, her hair unwashed, her eyes rimmed in red, and I cant reach out to her, cant offer comfort. If left alone, Im certain I could go through the rest of my life without ever speaking again.
I want to gather my belongings, put them in a shopping cart, and disappear into the faceless crowd of vagrants in Pioneer Square. But I havent the strength even for that. So I sit in my house, seeing the endless reminders of what I once had and I ask myself why I bother to breathe at all. . .
Lost and Lonely.
Across the top of that letter; someone had written: FedEx the attached letter to this mans return address immediately. Paper-clipped to the letter was a photocopy of a handwritten note.
Dear Lost and Lonely:
I will not waste time with the pretty words we wrap around grief. You are in danger; you are not so far gone that you dont know this. I am going to do what I have never done before-what I imagine Ill never do again.
You will come and talk to me. I will not take no for an answer. Your letter mentioned Pioneer Square; I see that your return address is in Laurelhurst.
My secretary at the newspaper will be expecting your call tomorrow and she will set up an appointment. Please, please, do not disappoint me. I know how life can wound even the strongest heart, and sometimes all it takes to save us is the touch of a single strangers hand.
Reach out for me . . . Ill be there.
It was signed Nora.
Rubys hands were trembling. No wonder these readers loved her mother. She carefully put the columns and letters back in the manila folder and left the whole package on the kitchen table for her mother to find, then she went upstairs.
She hadnt even realized that she was going to call Caroline until shed picked up the phone. But it made sense. Ruby felt unsteady . . . and Caroline had always been her solid ground.
Caro answered on the third ring. “Hello?”
Ruby couldnt help noticing how tired her sister sounded. “Hey, sis. You sound like you need a nap. ”
Caroline laughed. “I always need a nap. Of course, what I do that makes me so darned tired is a complete mystery. ”