Summer Island

I dont think I ever stopped loving her. I wanted to,

I tried to, but she was always in my dreams, the girl I measured every other woman against. But that doesnt mean she still loves me. Or that, if she did love me, shed believe in it. "

Dont let her push you away again. "

Its not that easy. I cant do all the work. I wont do all the work. If she wants a future, shes gonna have to put out a little effort. "

“Well, I hope it works out fast. I wanted to be the best man at your wedding. ”

“You will be. ” Dean struggled to keep his voice even. Their eyes met, and in his brothers gaze, he saw the sad truth. They both knew it was dream-spinning, this conversation of theirs. Eric would not be putting on a tuxedo and standing in shiny shoes beside Dean at the altar.

"Im glad you came home, Dino. I couldnt have done this without you.

Home. The simple, complex word found purchase in his heart. Hed known it would be hard to stand by and watch his brother die, but until this moment, he hadnt realized that it would end. This good-bye, strung out as it was over the briefest of time spans, was all that was left to them, and Dean would have to cling to these memories in the dark days that were sure to follow.

If Ruby did miraculously admit to lovingDean, who would he tell? Who would laugh at him and say, You must have done something to piss God off if He chose Ruby as your one true love.

There were so many things left to say between him and Eric, but how--where--did you begin? How could you experience a lifetime in a few short days? And what about the things that floated past them, accidentally unsaid? What if Dean ended up moving through a colorless, Eric-less world in which he couldnt think of anything except what should have been said?

“Dont,” Eric said.

Dean blinked, realizing hed been silent too long. Tears stung his eyes. He tried to casually wipe them away. “Dont what?”

“Youre imagining the world without me. ”

“I dont know how to get through this. ”

Eric reached out. His pale, blue-veined hand covered Deans and pressed firmly. “When I start feeling overwhelmed, I go back in time instead of ahead. I remember how we used to play red rover at Camp Orkila. Or how you used to sit cross-legged in your room, with your eyes closed, trying to levitate your toys when Lottie made you clean your room. ” He smiled tiredly and closed his eyes, and Dean could see that he was losing his brother to sleep once again. “I remember the first time I saw Charlie. He was making a sandwich at the college lunch hangout. Mostly, I just remember what Ive had and not what Im leaving behind. ”

Deans throat was so tight he couldnt answer.

“The best part is you. ” Erics voice was barely above a whisper now. His words were starting to sound garbled, as if he were more than half asleep. "Since youre back, I dream again. Its nice . . .

“Dream,” Dean said softly, placing his brothers limp hand on top of the blanket, then stroking his warm forehead. “Dream of who you would have been, and who you were. The bravest, smartest, best brother a kid ever had. ”

After dinner, Nora went out to the porch and sat in her favorite rocking chair. In this magical hour, poised between day and night, the sky was the soft hue of a girls ballet slipper.

The screen door squeaked open and banged shut. “I brought you some tea,” Ruby said, stepping into the porchlights glow. “Constant Comment with cream and sugar, right?”

“Thanks,” Nora said. “Join me. ” Ruby sat down in the rocker. Leaning back, she crossed her legs at the ankle and rested her feet on the small, frosted glass table beside the love seat. “Ive been thinking. ”

“Theres aspirin in the bathroom cabinet. ”

“Very funny. It didnt give me a headache. It gave me . . . a heartache. ”

Nora turned to her.

“I think I was easy to leave. ”

“Dont say that. You were an innocent victim. ”

“Im tired of that answer. ” Ruby smiled, but it was a sad, curving of the lips that lasted no time at all. “I was a bitch to Dean after you left. ”

“Thats understandable. ”

"I know. I had every right to be a bitch. I was lost and in pain. But was he supposed to love me when I wasnt lovable, when I wouldnt let him get close?

I expected love from him when I gave none, and then I fucked another guy just to see if Dean would love me no matter what. Big surprise: He didnt. “ She leaned forward again, rested her forearms on her thighs, and studied Nora. ”And I was worse to you. All those years, you sent letters and gifts and left phone messages. I knew you cared about me. I knew you were sorry, and I was proud of hurting you. I thought it was the least you deserved. So, dont disagree with me when I say that I have been the architect of some of my own pain. "