Once in Every Life

Jack grinned. "I'd be happy to." And he did.

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The next week passed in a rosy-colored blur. Jack spent the days working hard, shearing sheep, and the nights camped out in neighboring barns. Tess spent her days cleaning the house, caring for Caleb, and playing with the girls. It didn't bother her much that Jack was gone during the day; her time was too full with the everyday chores of running a sheep ranch to miss him. But the nights were different. Longer.

After the dishes were cleaned and put away and Katie was done with her reading lessons, the night stretched out forever, dark and lonely and filled with subtle noises. She lay in her bed, thinking of Jack, dreaming of Jack, aching for Jack.

He heard Jim talking to him, but the words sounded a million miles away.

Jack rested his elbows on the canoe's thick rim and leaned slightly back, careful not to rock the boat. The hot spring sun beat down on his face and warmed his body, bringing a sheen of sweat to his brow. His hair hung heavily along the sides of his face.

He closed his eyes, reveling in the warmth of the sun. Tomorrow night he'd be coming home to his wife. Finally, after more than a week's worth of sleeping in barns and eating self-consciously at other people's tables, he'd be home. Home.

The word conjured a dozen welcome images: Lissa leading mealtime prayers, Katie reading slowly from her primer, Savannah offering her daddy a cautious, heartfelt smile, Lissa feeding chickens, Lissa in the bath, Lissa in their bed.

Lissa.

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He sighed, listening to the water slapping against the canoe. He couldn't remember when in his life he'd felt this good, this full of hope. For the first time in years, he was beginning to believe in himself again, and damn, it felt good.

"Jack? Jack?"

Jack came out of the pleasant daydream with a snap. "Uh, sorry, Jim. What were you saying?"

Jim brought the dripping paddle out of the water and laid it across the canoe in front of him. Letting out a tired breath, he shoved his hat back and grinned at Jack. "I said, it's your turn."

Jack reached across the bundles of yellowed fleece that represented most of his yearly income and grabbed the paddle. Straightening, he plunged the paddle in the water and maneuvered the canoe around, following Jim's course for the huge green hump of land in the distance, the island called Vancouver, where they'd sell their goods for winter supplies.

"You know, Jack, I'm not one for jabberin' a whole lot, but I've got to say, you've changed lately."

Jack squinted into the sun and drew his hat lower on his forehead. "Yeah, I s'pose I have."

Jack could tell that Jim was waiting for an explanation. He knew, too, that Jim would never ask.

Normally that would have been the end of it right there. Jack had spent years closing himself off from all human contact. With each year since the horror, he'd moved further and further into his shell, hoping that if he went deep enough, he couldn't hurt anybody, couldn't let anybody down.

But his efforts to protect his children had only hurt them more. The girl

s he loved more than life itself had never heard the words "I love you" from their own father.

He thought about the smile Savannah had given him

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when he'd complimented her painted curtain. It had been bright enough to blind him.

So much joy he'd given her, with so little effort. It pained him to think about it, to realize how little his children needed to be happy. And fool that he was, he had given them even less.

No more, he decided. No more lying and hiding and pretending not to care. He didn't want to live like that anymore. That day in the church he'd vowed to make a new start, and not only in his marriage. He'd vowed to begin again with his children, himself, his neighbors. To become the man he should have been for years.

He took a deep breath and dove into the cold, frightening waters of communication. "Lissa and I have had our problems in the past...." The surprise on Jim's face made Jack laugh out loud. His anxiety over talking disappeared. "Didn't expect me to say anything else, huh, Jim?"

"I've known you a long time, Jack, and frankly, it surprises me when you speak at all."

Jack nodded. "Yeah, I guess it would. Anyway, everything's going well with Lissa and me now."

Jim pulled a toothpick out of his pocket and wedged it between his teeth, moving it back and forth thoughtfully. "Nothin' like love to make a man smile." "Yeah. I ... I missed her this week." "Yep. Too bad we'll be gettin' back just in time for the first shearin' dance. I wouldn't mind spendin' the night curled up in bed with my wife."