On the shore, the water lapped quietly against the gravel. Breezes whispered through the leaves of a huge old maple tree.
The thought of leaving here terrified her. She thought of her big, empty house in California, and all the time she’d have alone. “What if—”
He turned to her. “What if what?”
She took a deep breath. “What if I . . . came back here? After . . . everything is settled? I’ve been thinking more and more about a bookstore. You were right, that house on Main Street would be perfect. And God knows, this town needs one . . . ”
He went very still. “What are you saying?”
“After the divorce . . . and after Natalie leaves for college, I’ll be down in Southern California all by myself—”
“Don’t do that to me, Annie. Don’t throw me hope like it was a bone to bury in my backyard. I can’t spend the rest of my life waiting for you, watching the driveway, thinking today, maybe today. It’d break what’s left of my heart. Don’t make me any promises if you can’t keep them. It’s . . . easier for me that way. ”
The wind seemed to leak out of her lungs. She sagged. He was right; she knew he was right. Her future was a mystery, impenetrable and uncertain. She had no idea what would happen when she returned home. She wasn’t even sure what she wanted to happen. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. She wanted to tack on some kind of excuse, to remind him that she’d known Blake forever, that Natalie was her daughter, that she had always been a married woman, but none of the words mattered.
He didn’t say anything. He just stood there, swaying slightly, gazing down at her as if he had already lost her.
The next morning, Annie was so depressed she didn’t even go to Nick’s. Instead, she lay in bed and alternately cried and stared.
Her mind was too full; it was making her crazy, all the things she had to think about. Her husband—the man she’d loved since she was nineteen years old—wanted another chance to make their marriage work. He was sorry. He’d made a mistake.
Hadn’t she begged him to give their marriage a chance just a few months ago?
Beside her bed, the phone rang. She leaned over and picked it up. “Hello?”
“Annie Colwater? This is Madge at Dr. Burton’s office. I’m calling to remind you of your ten-thirty appointment this morning. ”
She’d forgotten all about it. “Oh, I don’t know—”
“Doc Burton told me not to take no for an answer. ”
Annie sighed. Last week she’d thought she’d beaten the depression, but now she was there again, slogging through the bleak confusion, unable to break through to the surface. Maybe it would be good to talk to the doctor. If nothing else, it gave her somewhere to go and something to do. She would probably feel better just getting out of bed. “Thanks, Madge,” she said softly. “I’ll be there. ”
With a tired s
igh, she rolled out of bed and headed for the shower. By ten-fifteen, she was dressed in a pair of jeans and a worn sweatshirt. Without bothering to comb her hair—what was the point?—she grabbed her handbag and car keys and left her room.
Hank was on the porch, sitting in his rocker, reading a book. At her hurried exit, he looked up. “You’re running late this morning. ”
“I have a doctor’s appointment. ”
His smile faded. “Are you okay?”
“Other than the fact that I’m depressed and retaining more water than a Sea World seal tank, I’m fine. Doc Burton made the appointment when I saw him. He wanted to make sure I wasn’t still feeling blue before I . . . went home. ”
Blue. Such a nothing little word for the emptiness seeping through her bloodstream.
Forcing a smile, she leaned down and kissed his forehead. “ ’Bye, Dad. ”
“ ’Bye. ”
She hurried down the steps and jumped into her Mustang.
Downtown, she parked in the shade of an elm tree and left her car without bothering to lock the door. She hurried up the concrete steps and into the brick building she’d visited so often in her youth.
Madge grinned up at her. “Hello, sweetie. The doctor’s waiting for you. Go on back to exam room two. ”
Annie nodded and headed down the white-walled hallway. She found a door with a huge black 2 stenciled on it, and she went inside. Taking a seat on the paper-covered table, she flipped through the current issue of Fishing News.