Natalie sat cross-legged on the bed, her long, unbound hair flowing around her shoulders. Already she looked nervous and worried—a normal teenage response to both parents flying up to see you at college.
Annie wished there were some way to break the news of their divorce without words, a way to silently communicate the sad and wrenching truth.
Blake stood in the corner of the room. He looked calm and at ease—his courtroom face—but Annie could see nervousness in the jittery way he kept glancing at his watch.
Annie knew this was up to her; there was no use putting it off any longer. She went to the bed and sat down beside Natalie. Blake took a few hesitant steps toward them and then stopped in the middle of the room.
Natalie looked at Annie. “What is it, Mom?”
“Your dad and I have something to tell you. ” She took Natalie’s hand in hers, stared down at the slender fingers, at the tiny red birthstone ring they’d given her on her sixteenth birthday. It took an effort to sit straight-backed and still. She took a deep breath and plunged ahead. “Your dad and I are getting a divorce. ”
Natalie went very still. “I guess I’m not surprised. ” Her voice was tender, and in it, Annie heard the echo of both the child Natalie had once been and the woman she was becoming.
Annie stroked her daughter’s hair, untangling it with her fingers like she used to when Natalie was little. “I’m sorry, honey. ”
When Natalie looked up, there were tears in her eyes. “Are you okay, Mom?”
Annie felt a warm rush of pride for her daughter. “I’m fine, and I don’t want you to worry about anything. We haven’t worked out all the details yet. We don’t know where we’ll each be living. Things like addresses and vacations and holidays are all up in the air. But I know one thing. We’ll always be a family—just a different kind. I guess now you’ll have two places in the world where you belong, instead of only one. ”
Natalie nodded slowly, then turned to her father. Blake moved closer, kneeling in front of Natalie. For once, he didn’t look like a three-hundred-fifty-dollar-an-hour lawyer. He looked like a scared, vulnerable man. “I’ve made some mistakes. . . . ” He glanced at Annie and gave her a hesitant smile, then turned back to Natalie. “With your mom and with you. I’m sorry, Sweet Pea. ” He touched her cheek.
Tears leaked from Natalie’s eyes. “You haven’t called me that since I fell off the jungle gym in third grade. ”
“There are a lot of things I haven’t said—or done—in years. But I want to make up for lost time. I want to do things together—if that’s okay with you. ”
“Phantom of the Opera is coming to town in May. Maybe we could go?”
He smiled. “I’d love to. ”
“You mean it this time? I should buy two tickets?”
“I mean it,” he said, and the way he said it, Annie believed him. Of course, she always believed him.
Slowly, Blake got to his feet and drew back.
“We’re still going to be a family,” Annie said, tucking a flyaway strand of hair behind Natalie’s ear. “We’ll always be a family. ” She looked at Blake and smiled.
It was true. Blake would always be a part of her, always be her youth. They’d grown up together, fallen in love and built a family together; nothing would ever erase that connection. A piece of paper and a court of law couldn’t take it all away—it could only take what they were willing to give up, and Annie was going to hold on to all of it, the good, the bad, the in-between. It was part of them. It made them who they were.
She reached out. He took her hand in his, and together they drew around Natalie, enfolding her in their arms. When Natalie was little, they’d called this a “family hug,” and Annie couldn’t help wondering why they’d ever stopped.
She heard the soft, muffled sound of her daughter’s crying and knew it was one of the regrets that would be with her always.
It was like going back in time. Once again, Annie and Blake were strolling through the Stanford campus. Of course, this time Annie was forty years old and as much of her life lay behind her as lay ahead . . . and she was pushing a stroller.
“It’s weird to be back here,” Blake said.
“Yeah,” she said softly.
They’d spent the whole day with Natalie, being more of a family in one afternoon than they’d been in many of the previous years, but now it was time to go their separate ways. Annie had driven the Cadillac up here, and Blake had flown in, renting a car to get to the campus.
At Annie’s car, they stopped. Annie bent down and unstrapped Katie from the stroller.
“What will you do now?” he asked.
Annie paused. It was the same question he’d asked her when Natalie had left home last spring. Then, it had terrified her. Now, these many months later, the same words opened a door, through which Annie glimpsed a world of possibilities. “I don’t know. I still have tons to do at the house. Twenty years has to be sorted and catalogued and packed away. I know I want to sell the house. It’s not . . . me anymore. ” She straightened, looking at him. “Unless you want it?”
“Without you? No. ”