Michael could only nod. To them, these stories were a comforting way to bring Jolene home, where she belonged, but all he could think about were helicopters hurtling to the desert floor, crashing, exploding—catastrophic injuries. He thought about the letters he hadn’t sent to her during her deployment and the things he hadn’t said and the things he had—I don’t love you anymore—and he felt sick to his stomach.
He was grateful as hell when his mother showed up two hours later.
“Mommy’s hurted, Yia Yia,” Lulu said, starting to cry again.
His mother moved purposely forward. “Your mother is a warrior, Lucy Louida, and don’t you forget it. She needs our happy thoughts right now. How about if you guys get into your pajamas and I read to you a story?”
Michael extricated himself from his daughters and got up. He was shaky on his feet as he moved toward his mother.
“Oh, Michael,” she said softly as he approached, her voice wavering, her eyes filling with tears.
“Don’t,” he said, sidestepping her outstretched hand. He couldn’t be comforted right now, not in front of his children. At his mother’s touch, he might just crumble. He moved past her and kept walking out into the hallway.
He closed the door on them and went downstairs. For some time—he had no idea how long—he wandered around the house, just staring at things. The wedding picture in the bookcase, the end table they’d refinished together, the You Are Special plate that hung on the kitchen wall.
The phone rang, and he lurched for it. “Michael Zarkades. ”
“Hello, Mr. Zarkades. This is Maxine Soll, from the Red Cross. ”
He gripped the phone more tightly, thinking, Please God, let her be okay. “How is my wife?”
“Her helicopter was shot down in Al Anbar province last night. Because of heavy fighting, rescue was difficult. I don’t have much in the way of details, and I can’t give you information on the rest of her crew. But I do know she’s alive and stable. She has been treated at Balad and is now on her way to Landstuhl, Germany. ”
Michael’s relief was so great he actually sank to his knees on the kitchen floor. “Thank God,” he murmured. He heard the Red Cross worker talking about the hospital, but he was barely listening.
He hung up the phone and went outside, where a cold black night surrounded him. Jo, you’ll be coming home now … you’ll be okay …
He was so caught in his own thoughts that it took him a moment to see the man standing on the dock across the street. Although he couldn’t really make out the figure—could just see a silhouette in the glow from a distant streetlamp, he knew who it was.
He closed the door behind him and walked down the gravel driveway, hearing his footsteps crunch on the small gray stones. The night smelled of low tide, vaguely sulfuric.
“Carl?” he said, drawing near. “Lomand came to see you, too?”
Carl nodded. “I needed to get out of the house. Seth is … I don’t know what the hell to say. Tami’s mom is with him now. ”
“Yeah. My mom is with the girls, too. How is Tami?”
“Damn military and Red Cross haven’t told me shit. She’s alive. In critical condition. That’s what I know. Jo?”
“Alive and stable. That’s all I know. Nothing about the rest of the crew. ”
“I found a letter from Tami today. She’d e-mailed it before the mission, I guess. She sounded so…” Carl’s tired voice trailed off for a moment. Then, quietly, he said, “Afterward, I read it again and thought, are these her last words?”
Michael had no idea what to say to that, so he said nothing. But he couldn’t stand the silence, either. “You catching a flight tomorrow?” he finally asked.
“Yeah. You?”
“Yeah. ” Michael stared out at the black water, listening to it lap at the shore. The longer he stood there, the more ill at ease he felt. Finally, he and Carl had something in common, but it didn’t exactly bring them together. “Well, I better get back to the girls. I’ll see you tomorrow. ”
“Right. ” Carl paused, turned. “Thanks for coming down here, Michael. ”
Michael nodded and headed back up to the house, but once inside he almost wished he’d stayed with Carl. Everywhere he looked, he saw Jo.
I found a letter …
He went into his office and turned on the computer, then pulled up his e-mail.
And there it was in the in-box: Jolene’s military e-mail address in bold, black type.