It had been crazy to let herself pretend. She knew the cost of looking at life through rose-colored spectacles. Mad Dog Stone offered her an easy smile and a moments comfort. Nothing she needed, nothing she could count on. She had to remember that. Always. He wasnt the answer to the aching loneliness that gripped her in the long hours of the night.
He was a drifter, just passing through her life.
Maybe he wasnt exactly like Stephen, but in the end that wouldnt matter, wouldnt save her from heartache. Because he was enough like Stephen.
Hed leave.
Her heart gave a tiny lurch at the thought. Without him around, shed go back to her old life, lonely and isolated and afraid of everything.
But that was what she wanted, she reminded herself. What made her feel safe. She had to protect herself from Mad Dog and from herself. She had to make sure that when he left—and he would leave—he didnt take her heart with him. She couldnt survive that again. She wasnt strong enough.
And the only way to be sure he didnt take her heart with him was not to give it to him.
She hauled a big cast-iron skillet from beneath the stove and dropped it on the range top. It landed with a loud clang. She added a dollop of lard and a bunch of sausage and leftover mashed potatoes and onions. The foods slid together in a splattering, popping mixture.
Suddenly the front door creaked open. "Go on into the kitchen. Ill be right back,"
came her fathers voice from the foyer.
Mariahs heartbeat sped up at the thought of seeing Mad Dog again. Please help me be strong. . . .
Stiffening, she picked up the pepper sprinkler and added a healthy dose to the food.
"Hi, Rass. Mad Dog," she called out, careful not to look their way. "Suppers almost ready. "
The front door clicked shut. Quiet footsteps moved through the foyer and into the kitchen. "H-Hi. "
Mariah glanced at the doorway. And found herself staring into the face of a young boy with large, frightened green eyes and tousled red-gold hair. He was thin, too thin, his face all hollows and sharp points, looked almost elfin. But he had strong cheekbones and a squared jaw that would someday make him a handsome man. He was wearing a dirty, patched blue work shirt and oversize wool trousers, hitched around his small waist with a thick black belt.
Her heart skidded to a stop. The aluminum pepper sprinkler slipped through her nerveless fingers and clanked on the hardwood floor. For one crazy, terrifying moment, she thought she was looking at a ghost—an image created by her own guilty, lonely mind. "Thomas," she whispered throatily.
The boy licked his lips nervously. "Im Jake," he said in an unsteady voice. "Mr.
Throckmorton invited me to supper. Im his new assistant. "
Mariah blinked in confusion. "I dont understand. . . . "
Rass shuffled into the room. "Ah, Mariah, I see youve met our young guest. "
Slowly the tilting world righted itself. Mariahs hopeful, impossible image slid into reality.
She stared at the boy, really seeing him this time. Disappointment poured through her, leaving her shaken and desperately sad in its backwash. No ghost, she realized; just a young man. A dirty, ragged-clothed boy with strawberry blond hair and green eyes.
Not Thomas.
Of course it couldnt be Thomas. . . .
She swallowed hard, fighting to regain her equilibrium. "Jake. " As hard as she tried, she couldnt make her voice anything but a tremulous whisper.
"Hes going to help me catalog my fossils. "
Marian nodded, too stunned to even point out that she cataloged her fathers fossils.
Too dumbfounded to even feel criticized. "Thats . . . wonderful. " She moved hesitantly toward the boy. Her fingers stung with the need to touch his cheek, to push the dirty hair from his eyes. To be the mother she never had been, never could be.
She came up short, stopping before she made a complete fool of herself. She glanced at her father. "Where did you find him?"
Jake threw a frightened look a Rass.