She was afraid again. Afraid that now, in the bright sunlight of this morning, hed get up, get dressed, and leave her.
She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the sting of tears. Please dont go, Matt. . . .
She wanted to say the words, ached to say them, but somehow they lodged in her throat. So she said something else instead. "I . . . I read your articles, Matt. "
The hand on her hair stilled. His body stiffened. "You did?"
She twisted around until she could look up at him. Their eyes met, his narrowed suddenly and guarded. "Yes," she said quietly. "I thought they were brilliant. "
A look of incredulity crossed his face. "You did?"
She nodded, unable to say anything past the lump in / her throat. She couldnt believe that no one had ever told him that before. He needs me, she realized. Almost as much as I need him.
"No ones ever read my work. . . . "
"I hope you dont mind—"
"No. " He touched her face gently and gazed down at her. "No. " A small smile tugged at his mouth, but there was no humor in it, only a bittersweet sadness. "I always thought that one day Id work at a newspaper, but somehow I never stuck in one place long enough to try it out. "
Hes leaving, The two words ripped her heart out, left her weak and bleeding and afraid. She tried to rationalize them away, but she couldnt do that, couldnt look at life through blinders anymore. He was leaving her. She:,] knew it was a certainty that left her feeling sick inside;* "Matt . . . "
"What?"
She gazed up at him, pouring her heart and soul into a single, steady look. Shed never been more afraid in her life than she was at this moment. "I love you. "
He paled. She thought for one terrifying moment, he was going to laugh it off. But he didnt. He just lay there, staring down at her through those sad, honest eyes.
His silence pinched her heart. She tried to smile, but couldnt.
"Mariah . . . "
She pressed a finger to his lips. "I didnt tell you because I expect an answer. But I cant go back to the way I was before, hiding everything I feel. It hurts too much. I love you, Matt Stone. Im proud of that. Whether . . . " Her voice cracked. She blinked through a hot blur of tears. "Whether you love me back doesnt matter. "
He looked away, stared hard at the glittering golden square of the window. "It matters. "
She touched his chin, forced him to look at her. In his eyes was a bleakness that closed around her. She stared up at him, feeling the heaviness of the moment like a stone against her heart. She knew she shouldnt say anything more, should simply snuggle up to him and accept whatever scraps of affection he had, for as long as they were offered. A week ago she might have been able to do that, might have been able to accept less than she was worth. But no more. Matt had changed the way she saw herself, the way she saw the world, and there was no going back.
She swallowed hard and blinked up at him through her stinging tears. "Stay. " She said the word quietly, almost on a whisper, but it resonated through the bedroom like a scream.
He winced. "Ah, Mariah . , . "
She heard the sorrow in his voice, and something that hurt even worse. Regret.
Tears slipped over her cheeks, burrowed into the corners of her mouth.
He wiped a tear from the corner of her eye and stared down at her. "Would you come with me if I asked?"
Her heart skipped a beat. A tiny thread of hope slid into her thoughts. "Are you asking?"
He broke eye contact and stared at the wall behind her. It was a long, breathless moment before he answered softly. "No, I guess not. "
She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to smile. "I cant leave the farm anyway. Rass proved that. "
"I never meant to hurt you, Mariah. "
She slid away from him and sat up, dangling her bare feet over the edge of the bed.
"I guess Im not the best match for a drifter. "