Jake followed him. "Youre my father. "
"Thats impossible. " The words shot from his mouth like deadly arrows.
Jake felt their sharp tips in his heart. He faltered for a moment, afraid. Hed never once thought that Mad Dog might not believe him. He fished through his pocket and pulled out a bent tin locket with a painted violet on its face. He held it out to Mad Dog. "She gave me this and said it came from my father. "
Mad Dog stared at the locket for a long time. Then he closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. His broad shoulders caved downward, his head bowed. "Oh, Jesus. "
Jake stared at him. Everything inside him, every emotion and hope and fear, twisted into a ball in his stomach. Hed waited so long for this moment, all his life. Hed dreamed of it a thousand times, ached for it.
"Say something," he pleaded.
Mad Dogs hand fell from his face. He looked at Jake through moist eyes. "I dont know what to say. I didnt know she was pregnant. "
"I know that. "
He seemed to search for something to say. "How is Lara?"
Jake swallowed hard. "She died. "
Mad Dog squeezed his eyes shut. When he spoke, his voice was raspy and tired.
"Why did you track me down? What do you want from me?"
Jake heard
the words, the question, but he didnt answer. There was no point. He saw the truth in his fathers sad, tired eyes. It was the beginning of good-bye.
Jake had tried to prepare himself for this moment, had told himself a thousand times that it would end this way. But still it hurt, hurt more than he could possibly have imagined. "I wanted to get to know you. "
Mad Dog shook his head. "I cant be a goddamn father. "
"Youre already a father," Jake answered without looking at him. Even to his own ears, his voice sounded old and dull. "What you mean is, you wont be a parent. "
"I dont know how. "
Jake wanted to say, ached to say, we could learn together. But he didnt. The words stuck in his throat, held in place by a hot lump of tears. Resignation pulled his shoulders downward. "Yeah, right. "
Mad Dog sighed. "Look, Jake, this is all coming at me pretty fast. "
"Yeah, I know. "
"But I know how much it hurts to be abandoned. . . . I guess . . . maybe we should spend some time together, get to know each other. What do you say?"
Jakes head snapped up. "Are you kidding?"
Mad Dog almost smiled. "I was just leaving the place. Maybe . . . maybe you wanna come with me?"
Jake felt a moments disbelief, then a crushing disappointment. "Leaving? Why?"
He shrugged, trying to look casual, but Jake saw the pain in his fathers eyes. "I dont want to hurt Mariah any more than I already have. And its time to move on. "
Jake tried desperately to understand. It felt as if his world were slowly unraveling, as if Mad Dog had pulled a loose thread and ripped everything apart. "But youll hurt her if you leave. "
"Shell get over it. " His voice dropped to a whisper. "So will I. " "But . . . but—"
"But nothin, Jake. Theres no future for me here. Im a man that has to move. If I dont keep moving, Ill die. Its as simple as that. So are you gonna come with me or not?"
Jake glanced back at the house. In the second-floor window, a shadow moved.