Distant Shores

"Maybe you can plant window boxes. "

She thought of the garden in her backyard. Shed spent the last eighteen months designing a plan for it. Shed researched exactly what plant went where. Last spring, shed planted three hundred bulbs. Daffodils, crocuses, hyacinths, lilies. Shed placed each one carefully to maximize seasonal color. "Thats a great idea. "

After that, they fell silent. When dinner was over, they went into the kitchen and washed the dishes together. Elizabeth rinsed; Jack loaded the dishwasher. It was a routine theyd perfected over the years.

When the counters had been wiped clean, he said, "Ill be right back. "

True to his word, he returned momentarily, carrying a big, flat box that was wrapped in iridescent pink paper. He took her hand and led her into the living room. "Come on," he whispered, and she was reminded of the day, all those years ago, when hed held out his hand and offered her his heart. Theres nothing to be afraid of, hed said then; Im the one you want.

He grabbed the remote off the coffee table and muted the television.

She tried not to think about this room, her favorite, as she sat down on the sofa. Shed poured her heart and soul into every square inch. Dont think about it.

He knelt in front of her. "I know I threw you a long bomb on this one. "

She didnt answer, afraid that if she said much of anything, her anger would show. "Yes," was all she dared.

"Im sorry. "

The apology deflated her, even embarrassed her. She truly wanted to be the kind of woman who welcomed change. At the very least, she wanted to be happy for her husbands success. "Im sorry, too. I guess Ive forgotten how to be adventurous. "

"Well be happier now. " The ferocity in his voice surprised her, reminded her that he had been as unhappy lately as she was.

He pushed the package toward her. "I got this for you in New York. "

"Its too big to be a diamond," she joked, opening the box. Inside lay a pair of gray sweats and a hooded sweatshirt that read: Fox Sports. It was a size medium. Apparently Jack hadnt noticed that shed paddled into the "large" pond.

"You used to love your college sweats, remember?"

I was nineteen years old. She smiled at him. "Thanks, honey. "

He leaned toward her, put his hands on her thighs. "We can do this, Birdie. We can move to New York and start over. "

She sat very still, holding in her middle-aged hands the favorite clothes of her teenaged self. He could dream all he wanted. She knew the truth. Things would change for Jack, but not for her. In a few weeks, shed fly to a new city and settle into her old marriage.

"Itll be great," she said.

"It will be. " He was grinning now. She could see how relieved he was.

Her anger resurfaced.

He slipped an arm around her and pulled her to her feet. "Lets watch TV in bed. Like the old days. "

They climbed into their king-sized sleigh bed and watched Sex and the City and The Practice.

When the programs were over, Jack turned off the light and rolled onto his side.

"I love you, Birdie," he said, kissing her. His hand moved down her back and pushed up beneath her flannel nightgown, coming to rest on her naked thigh.

She kissed him back. They made love in the quiet, familiar way that had evolved over the last decade. When it was done, he rolled away from her and went to sleep.

Elizabeth inched away from him. She laid her head on her pillow and listened to the ordinary rhythm of his breathing. She couldnt help but remember how wonderful their lovemaking used to be. For years, even as the marriage had begun to go stale, their passion for each other had remained. Now, even that spark had gone out.

Still . . . theyd been married so long. More than half of her life had been spent with Jack. Shed thought theyd grow old together in this house. Foolishly, shed believed his promise to live here forever.

Even last week, when shed looked into her own future, shed seen them on the porch together, white-haired and smiling, sitting on the wrought-iron garden bench, watching their great-grandchildren play.

Now when she looked into their future, she couldnt see anything at all.