She stared at that door, seeing it as proof of everything that stood between them.
While he was dressing, she went back down to the living room and tossed another log onto the fire.
When she turned back around, he was there. The worn pink terry-cloth robe looked ridiculous on his big, powerful body. The fabric strained across his chest; the hemline hit him at midthigh.
He looked around at the candles. "Theres a huge tree down on Sycamore Street. The powerll be out for hours. "
"Did you fly all the way here to talk about electricity?" She sat down on the hearth, looking up at him.
"No. "
"I guess you got my letter?"
"Yes. " She could barely hear him, hed said it so softly.
"Then perhaps we should talk about that. "
The air seemed to seep out of him, leaving him smaller. He sat down beside her. "I dont know what you want me to say. Im sorry for taking the job without talking to you?"
"Let me ask you a question. "
He drew back; infinitesimal though the movement was, she saw it. An instinctive flinching away. "Okay. "
"When you read my letter . . . " She looked him square in the eyes. "Tell me you werent relieved. "
The color faded from his cheeks. She knew he wanted to lie, to say of course, I wasnt relieved, but instead he said, "You know how long Ive dreamed of a job like this one. And now, when I finally get my shot, you leave me. "
"Come on, Jack. We arent happy. We havent been happy in a long time. "
"But I love you. "
It hurt, hearing those words again. "Do you? Then move back home. Lets try our new start here. "
"You want me to give up my job? Is that what this is about?"
Shed known what his choice would be, but still it wounded her. "Too hard, huh, Jack?"
"Ive waited years for this job. Ive dreamed about it. "
"Our whole marriage has been about your dreams, Jack. I followed you from town to town to town for two decades. Two decades. Ive been the best wife and mother I know how to be, but now Im . . . empty. I wake up in the middle of the night and I cant breathe, did you know that? Youre the one who said I need to step up to the plate. Well, this is the plate, Jack. I need time to figure out what my dreams are. " Despite her best intentions, her
voice broke.
He ran a hand through his hair and let out a ragged sigh. "Jesus Christ, Birdie. You really mean it. I thought you were just trying to get my attention, so Id move out to Connecticut or Westchester County. " He sagged forward, resting his arms across his knees. Then he looked at her. "People who want time alone get divorced. Is that what you want?"
Her mouth fell open. "I didnt ask for a divorce. "
"What did you think, Birdie? That wed split up and stay married? That nothing would change? Fuck. What about the girls? What are we supposed to say to them when they ask why were living apart?"
The girls.
Elizabeth made a small, panicked sound. The enormity of what shed just done settled into place. When shed asked for a separation, all shed thought was: I need time. Just that. Now he was asking about what theyd tell their children.
She fought the urge to say, Wait, Jack, lets talk it through again.
He went upstairs and slammed the door shut behind him. A few moments later, he walked back into the living room. He was wearing his dripping wet clothes and holding an envelope. "Are you up for a little irony?"
"No," she answered quickly. "I dont think I am. "