He stepped up to the microphone and gave the same speech hed given at least a dozen times in the past few months. A plea for athletic accountability and good sportsmanship. The local chapter of the Boys and Girls Clubs of America applauded wildly when he was done. Then he spent the next hour posing for photographs, answering questions, and signing autographs.
Sally came up beside him. "Thanks for doing this for me. My brother-in-law owes me one now. Everyone thinks hes a god for getting you to speak. "
"Its always nice to help out kids. " Jack couldnt believe that canned response came out of his mouth, and to Sally, of all people.
A tiny frown pleated her brow. She took his arm and led him out of the ballroom and down to a quiet corner table in the bar. "Im confused. " She kept her voice lowered, pausing only long enough to order a glass of white wine.
"Why are you confused?" He knew, of course.
"Youve been avoiding me all week. I didnt put any pressure on you, did I? I know youre married. So, whats wrong? I thought we were on the same page. "
In the dim light, she seemed impossibly young. It made him feel even older. "For the last fifteen years--until you--I was completely faithful to my wife. But I counted and remembered every woman Id denied myself. "
"You kept score?"
It was an ugly way to phrase it, but true. "I was so proud of every woman I didnt sleep with. I thought, Good for you, Jacko, youre strong as steel. Every night, I went home and crawled into bed with my wife and I told her I loved her. I meant it, too. "
"What does this have to do with me?"
The decision that had been rolling obliquely toward him was suddenly crystal clear. "I dont want to be that guy anymore. I dont want to be sleeping with a woman simply because I can. "
"Thats a shitty thing to say. I know we arent head-over-heels in love, but I thought we were friends. "
"Come on, Sally. Friends talk. Get to know each other. They dont crawl into bed together and wake up alone. "
"You never wanted to wake up with me. " Hurt crept into her eyes. "Whenever I offered to spend the night, you changed the subject. "
"Youre a great woman, Sally. "
"Another quick-change remark, Jack. What youre trying to say is Im not Elizabeth. I know that. But I was the one who followed you to New York. She didnt. "
"Im still in love with her," he said gently. "I didnt know how much until I lost her. "
Sally looked at him. "Are you saying its over between us? Just like that, youve changed your mind, and who cares how Sally feels about it?"
"You deserve more than I can give you. "
"No, I dont. "
"Then you should. " He saw how hard she was trying to appear calm, but her lips were trembling. She thought she loved him; that had never occurred to him before. How had he been so blind? He reached out, covered her hand with his. Suddenly he felt every one of the years between them. "Im not The One, Sally. Believe me. " He remembered the first time he kissed Elizabeth, how shed cried. "When its right, you know it. "
"Fuck. " Sally sighed. "You know what the really shitty thing about that confession is? It only makes you more attractive. What about my job?"
"Tom thinks youd make a great associate producer. "
"Great. Ive become one of those women who sleep their way up the ladder. " She downed the rest of her wine. "Im outta here. A girls self-esteem can only take so much honesty. Bye, Jack. " She took a few steps, then turned back around. She wasnt smiling. "Ill take the promotion, by the way. "
"You earned it. "
"I guess Ill always wonder about that, wont I? Good-bye, Jack. "
He watched her walk away, afraid of what hed feel. In the old days, it would have been regret.
It was relief.
He paid for the drinks and went outside. The portico of the hotel was crowded with people--tourists, guests, liveried bellmen. He barely noticed them.
As he reached the street, rain hit him in the face and made him think of Oregon. Of home.