Waiting for the Moon

to choose celibacy." She moved closer. "You should have made a baby with me, and if I would not, then you should have found a woman who would." He stumbled for a response. "But my face-" "Your face is not who you are, Elliot." She leaned toward him, tilted her chin up. "A child cares more about his father's heart than his face."

Elliot stared down at her, feeling oddly out of place, as if his whole world had suddenly tilted to the right and left him scrambling for balance. "You've changed, Agnes."

He'd said the wrong thing, he knew it instantly, though he couldn't imagine what the right thing would have been. She drew back. "Have I?" She sounded tired again.

A silence descended. He looked at her. She looked at the flower in her hand.

In the distance, the supper bell rang.

She sighed and set down the flower. "Like cattle, we go now to eat."

Before he could respond, Lucy rushed into the room. She skidded to a stop at the sight of him and bobbed her head. "Brother Elliot."

He nodded curtly-the proper thing to do. "Sister Lucy."

Agnes lifted her head and gave him a wan, lackluster smile. "Good-bye, Elliot."

Once again he thought of Lethe House and how vibrant and alive she'd been there.

Chapter Twenty-six

The whole family was gathered in the meetinghouse for the weekly union meeting. Outside, the October night was coated in darkness and drenched in rain. Occasional cracks of thunder rumbled through the bloated gray clouds, spit out bolts of lightning,

Selena tried to care about what was going on around her, she really tried. As always, there were men and women sitting on benches across from each other, talking in quiet voices, their bodies held a rigid six feet apart. Every now and then Brother Matthew led them in a subdued song, and occasionally they would dance-in two separate lines, going two different directions, but still, it should have been fun.

She watched them, smiling if they smiled at her, and knew that they were trying in their own strange, silent way to make her feel welcome. Once, it might have worked. If she'd awakened here after her injury and come to life around these God-fearing people, she probably would have accepted their religion and its celibate discipline without question. And she probably would have been happy. They were good, caring people.

But it was too late for Selena, she saw that now. For a brief time, too brief, she'd looked out a clear window on a bright and shining world, a world filled with beauty and poetry and promise. Now that window had been closed, locked tight, and the world she was left in

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was painted in shades of pious gray. She knew the colors were still here-blue sky, white clouds, gold sun; the colors still existed, but she didn't care about them anymore, barely saw them. Before, she'd seen the world through so many eyes-Johann's, Maeve's, Andrew's, Lara's, and Ian's. Each one of them offered her the gift of the world, sifted through their souls and their experiences.

No more.

Her gaze moved around the room. It took her a second to realize that she was looking for Elliot. They spoke rarely if at all, and yet she'd come to care for the big, life-beaten man. He was always watching out for her, protecting her in that strong, silent way of his. She remembered the flower he'd brought her last month, and she smiled.

Somewhere a door creaked open and the dancing came to a sudden halt. Utter silence descended through the meeting room.

Eldress Beatrice moved into the room. The crowd parted instantly to allow her access, and Selena suddenly wondered if the eldress was ever lonely. Beatrice lived up in a big house with only another eldress and two elders for company. They were always separated from the others so that their impartiality wouldn't be compromised.

Across the room, Eldress Beatrice caught Selena's gaze. The older woman beelined through the now silent crowd and stopped directly in front of Selena.

"Sister Agnes, I have come to speak with you."

Frowning, Selena rose. "Yes, Eldress?"

"Come with me."

A sinking feeling pulled at Selena's insides. They knew about Elliot's visit to the ironing house. It was forbidden, of course, for them to speak for more than fifteen minutes without Beatrice's permission.

Selena followed Beatrice across the room. At the corner, Lucy shot her a worried look and Selena gave a little

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shrug. She couldn't help thinking about last month, when Sister Joan had been caught speaking to her husband. All of the Believers had been drawn into the meetinghouse unexpectedly. When they were seated, Sister Matilda, a frail, innocent-looking old woman who'd been a Believer since childhood, rose and spoke in a sharp, clear voice. There is one among us who has need for humiliation.