“Well, no. I could go home and finish watching Friends. ”
“You watch Friends? I would have guessed you tuned in to PBS. Maybe the Discovery Channel. ”
“Sit. ”
Meghann did as she was told. The comfortable chair enfolded her. “I remember when I hated this chair. Now it seems made for me. ”
Harriet steepled her fingers and peered at Meghann over her short, clear-polished nails. “It was a week ago today, wasn’t it? When your client’s husband tried to shoot you. ”
Meghann’s left foot started to tap. The plush gray carpet swallowed the sound. “Yes. The funny thing is, the publicity has gotten me clients. It seems women want a lawyer who makes a man that crazy. ” She tried to smile.
“I told you you needed to deal with it. ”
“Yes, you did. Remind me to put a gold star next to your name on the door. ”
“Are you sleeping?”
“No. Every time I close my eyes, I see it all again. The gunshot whizzing past my ear . . . the way he dropped the gun afterward and sank to his knees . . . May rushing to him, holding him, telling him everything would be all right, that she’d stand behind him . . . the police taking him away in handcuffs. Today, I relived it in court. ” She looked up. “That was lovely, by the way. ”
“It’s not your fault. He’s the one to blame. ”
“I know that. I also know that I handled their divorce badly. I’ve lost my ability to really feel for people. ” She sighed. “I don’t know . . . if I can do this job anymore. Today I completely screwed a client. My partner has asked me—ordered me, really—to take a vacation. ”
“That might not be a bad idea. It wouldn’t hurt you to develop a real life. ”
“Will I feel better in London or Rome . . . alone?”
“Why don’t you call Claire? You could go stay at her resort for a while. Maybe try to relax. Get to know her. ”
“That’s a funny thing about visiting relatives. You need an invitation. ”
“Are you saying Claire wouldn’t want you to visit?”
“Of course I’m saying that. We can’t talk for more than five minutes without getting into an argument. ”
“You could visit your mother. ”
“I’d rather contract the West Nile virus. ”
“How about Elizabeth?”
“She and Jack are in Europe, celebrating their anniversary. I don’t think they’d appreciate a guest. ”
“So, what you’re saying is, you have nowhere to go and no one to visit. ”
“All I said was, Where would I go?” It had been a mistake to come here. Harriet was making her feel worse. “Look, Harriet,” her voice was softer than usual, and cracked. “I’m falling apart. It’s like I’m losing myself. All I want from you is a drug to take the edge off. You know me, I’ll be fine in a day or two. ”
“The Queen of Denial. ”
“When something works for me, I stick with it. ”
“Only denial isn’t working anymore, is it? That’s why your eyelid is spasming, your hands are shaking, and you can’t sleep. You’re breaking apart. ”
“I won’t break. Trust me. ”
“Meghann, you’re one of the smartest women I’ve ever known. Maybe too smart. You’ve handled a lot of trauma in your life and succeeded. But you can’t keep running away from your own past. Someday you’re going to have to settle the tab with Claire. ”
“A client’s husband tries to blow my brains out, and you manage to make my breakdown about my family. Are you sure you’re really a doctor?”