Between Sisters

“I know that, Sam. You pointed it out every time I screwed up. ”

He sighed. “I was pissed at Eliana. She’d denied me my daughter’s childhood. All those years I’d been alone when I didn’t have to be . . . and the way you and Claire lived from hand to mouth. I couldn’t stand it. ”

“I know that. ”

He twisted around to face her. “Claire was easy. She looked up at me with those big, trusting eyes and said, Hi, Daddy; just like that, I fell in love. But you. ” He shook his head. “You scared the shit out of me. You were tough and mouthy and you thought everything I said to Claire was wrong. I didn’t know you were just being a teenager. I thought you were like . . . ”

“Mama. ”

“Yeah. And I didn’t want Claire to be hurt. It took me a while—years—to see that you weren’t like Ellie. By then it was too late. ”

“Maybe I am like Mama,” she said quietly.

“No,” he said fiercely. “You’ve been Claire’s rock through this nightmare. You have the kind of heart that saves people, even if you don’t believe it. And I’m sorry I didn’t see that when I was younger. ”

“A lot of things have become clearer lately. ”

“Yeah. ” He sat back in the pew. “I don’t see how I’ll get through this,” Sam said.

Meghann had no answer. How could she, when the question haunted her as well?

A few minutes later, the door opened again. This time it was Bobby. He looked terrible.

“She wants to see Ali,” he whispered harshly. “I can’t do it. ”

Sam made a fluttery sound. “Oh, God. ”

“I’ll do it,” Meg said, slowly rising.

Claire must have fallen asleep again. When she woke, the sunlight outside had faded, leaving the room a soft, silvery color.

“Mommy’s awake. ”

She saw her daughter then. Ali clung to Meghann like a little monkey, arms wrapped around her aunt’s neck, feet locked around her waist.

Claire made a quiet, whimpering sound before she rallied and pulled out a tired smile. The only way to get through this moment was to pretend there would be another. For Ali, she had to believe in a miracle.

“Hey there, Ali Kat. I hear you’re eating all the cinnamon rolls in the cafeteria. ”

Alison giggled. “Only three, Mommy. Aunt Meg said if I had one more I’d throw up. ”

Claire opened her arms. “Come here, baby. ”

Meg leaned forward and gently deposited Ali into Claire’s thin arms. She hugged her daughter tightly, couldn’t seem to let go. She was battling tears and hanging on to her smile by a thread when she whispered into her daughter’s tiny, shell-pink ear, “You remember how much I love you. ”

“I know, Mommy,” Ali said, burrowing closer. She lay still as a sleeping baby, quieter than she’d lain in years. That was when Claire knew that Ali understood, but when her daughter leaned closer to say, “I told God I’d never ask for Cap’n Crunch again if He made you all better,” Claire felt something inside her tear away. She clung to her daughter for as long as she could. “Take her home,” she finally said when the pain became more than she could bear.

Meghann was there instantly, pulling Ali into her arms again.

But Ali wiggled out of Meg’s grasp and slithered to the molded plastic chair beside the bed. She stood there, on the wobbly chair, staring at Claire.

“I don’t want you to die, Mommy,” she said in a husky little voice.

It hurt too much even to cry. Claire looked at her precious baby and managed a smile. “I know that, punkin, and I love you more than all the stars in the sky. Now you skedaddle on home with Grandpa and Bobby. I hear they’re going to take you to see a movie. ”

Meghann picked Ali up again. Claire could see that she was near tears, too. “Make Bobby go home,” she said to her sister. “He’s been here every night. Tell him I said Ali needs him tonight. ”

Meg reached out, squeezed her hand. “We need you. ”