Mikaela was quiet for a moment as she dried her tears. That wasn’t a good way to react. It only showed how deep into it she was. She suddenly wanted to laugh at what Lynne just said. She also wanted to continue crying. It was all so stupid. She was stupid. She had a feeling this would happen. She told herself time and time again things would work in her favor, and yet, she had doubts. Those doubts had come to life. He had replaced her so easily, like how he gave away money so easily.
Her life had revolved around him the moment she signed the contract. She had given away her pride, her kindness and her freedom, all for him. All for some ungrateful, demented— she stopped herself, wanting to throw up from the enormity of what happened.
Did it really feel like this? When you loved someone so much and you found out they cheated on you? She never thought it would hurt this much, she didn’t even cry when her last ex-boyfriend cheated on her. Justin, he was different. She was too in love with him, she didn’t even feel the need to murder him, but she wanted to shoot herself for being so weak.
This is what you get for not being careful enough. He warned you again and again, and you still wanted to get his attention, you still wanted him to at least like you. You are such an idiot, Mikaela Johnson!
She had already resigned from work, and planned her move to Santa Monica. She’d thought he would be there, be by her side to support her all the way. She should have listened to that voice in her head that said this was all a bad idea. A bad idea? Falling in love? How could that be a bad idea? Because she wanted him to love her back?
No one falls in love after the first date, she told herself. She certainly didn’t. But their first real dinner date sealed the deal. She had fallen for his wiles, she had fallen for his charm, and his psychopathic tendencies had worked on her even if she had battled herself on this. She had allowed herself to be manipulated because she was blinded by him, by his looks, by his dashing character, by the material things he showered her with, and no matter how unkind he was to her, she found herself wanting him to like her even more.
Plus, he had kissed her! He had kissed her while he thought she was asleep. Didn’t that speak in volumes? Didn’t that mean something? She felt something there, some shred of affection, some expression of warmth. It must have meant nothing to him. Or maybe it was a goodbye, the kindest farewell he could muster.
Whatever his reasons were, it left Mikaela wretched. It left her bruised all over, it left her fatigued. She had let the contract get to her.
Full discretion must be maintained, the contract said.
He didn’t really want her seen anywhere. She was just kidding herself, she was stupid, so very stupid to even think he would look at her twice. Now look where it landed her, some guy made an idiot out of her, and the worst thing was she allowed it to happen.
“All my relationships lasted more than six months. So that’s where the tabloids get it wrong. I’m only a playboy when I’m single,” he told her.
“You’re single now,” she said.
“Does it bother you?”
She was quiet for a while. “I’m confused about it.”
He shook his head. “Careful now.”
He had warned her over and over again. The contract was made so that she could distinguish from emotions and plain labor. Was good sex considered labor? He did want an exclusive contract with her because he couldn’t get enough of her in bed? She suddenly felt like a whore again. Whores were easily replaced. She hated the feeling, and for once, she was glad her parents weren’t around to see her spiral into something as sad as this.
She had kidded herself about the friends with benefits plan. That could never happen. She was at a losing end. Just when she thought she had thawed his cold heart…
***
It had been two days since the tabloids released those photos and it had been two days since he had been feeling utterly miserable. He had meant for it to happen. He had meant for the media to see that. He couldn’t bear to be in love with someone, the thought of actually loving Mikaela threatened his stability. He had spent an agonizing week, debating if he should end it to save his wits. In the end, his practicality won over and he sent her $20,000, hoping she would give up on him completely.
Justin had met Vida Karlovac a mere two days before he invited her to his home, something he had never done, all in an effort to forget about Mikaela. Vida was the poster girl for every other woman he had dated -- some degree of popularity, long legs, and an attractive face. But she was no Mikaela. The moment the photos exploded on media, his mother called him, asking him what happened between him and Mikaela.
He had insisted they weren’t dating, but deep inside he wished he was. Like a normal couple would. He had gotten to know her better in London and it was something he had regretted. He wanted it to be a contract, plain and simple. All he had wanted was sex. The sex was mind-blowing, but her personality was out of this world.
He had never met anyone like her. It all started with that smile. Her smile brought his defenses down, something he hated to admit. It was why he tried to act as coldly around her as possible. He remembered seeing her for the first time across that room, and he told himself he had to get to know her. Her smile was radiant, just like her personality.
At first he thought it was only for the sex, and his reasons were selfish. He wanted her to himself entirely. No one was to have her. He didn’t even want other men ogling at her or flirting. That was proven at the hotel. It was cute that she tried to make him like her, her efforts were messy and childish, but her intentions were clear. How can you fall in love in less than three months? He had made that contract so that he would know where his boundaries were, it wasn’t just for her. Three months was pretty long, and he told himself he would tire of her in less than that time. He had wanted to use her body first; it was a physical attraction that led into something else.
He had become irrational over her. That contract was a first of many. He had told himself that friends with benefits wasn’t in the books, and after sleeping with her three times, he knew he wanted her in a way he didn’t want any other woman. She was the most beautiful person he had ever met, and he had met a lot of beautiful people. The only person on his mind was her. It took a while to acknowledge his feelings. It took a while to convince himself that he wasn’t being silly. This was legitimate. He had fallen for her and he had ruined his chance to be with her, just to save his pride.
Time and time again, he told himself that he had to have someone perfect, if not perfect, someone close to his ideals. She didn’t fit in any of those ideals, except that she was physically appealing and she had a sweet nature he also found in his family. That was it, right? There was nothing extraordinary about her. He told this to himself, there was nothing too unique about her that others didn’t have… but he couldn’t stop thinking about her.
He had debated that he was probably starved of affection and Mikaela was the closest thing to it. He had never been starved of affection before. He didn’t like the feeling. It was as terrible as missing his father. He couldn’t lack for love, he had all of that and more with his sisters and mother.
Since the day he had done the unthinkable, the harshest thing he could ever do to her, he couldn’t sleep properly. Vida was game for everything, even readily stripping naked in the privacy of his pool, an open invitation to steamy sex. He declined, saying he had only wanted to get to know her better, and he thought they wouldn’t make a good match for each other.
Luckily, Vida didn’t throw a hissy fit.
“Your thoughts are with someone else,” she said in a sexy Eastern European accent.
He could only nod. It was true. Only Mikaela filled his thoughts, night and day. Work was no escape. He couldn’t stop thinking about her. He reasoned to himself he had acted on impulse, afraid of the growing emotions he wasn’t used to. How could he deal with this? How could he kill of this emotion? Was he that afraid of commitment? He had made that contract so that she could stay committed to him, yet he couldn’t do the same.