He refrained from telling her that he would give her all his money. His house, his car. Every goddamn cent in his bank account—which would make her far from cheap. That probably wouldn’t help his case any. The words sugar daddy made him swallow hard. Was that how they were together? It made him feel like he was taking advantage of her—even more so since he hadn’t actually given her a cent since they first kissed.
“What if you moved in with me? You’re sleeping here almost every night.”
He already hated every time she left. Then she wouldn’t have to pay rent at her apartment, which he knew from the address wasn’t in a very safe part of town.
She spun to face him, her eyes glistening in the dark. Her lips trembled. “You mean that? No, it would be the same thing. I actually want… I need us to take this slow.”
Slow? That was the opposite of how he felt about her. Every part of him wanted to claim her, to take her as his own so no other man could ferry her away when she went out into the world while he was trapped here.
“So I can sort out my life stuff, without worrying about…us.”
“No problem,” he said, achieving some level of casualness. “That’s what we’ll do.”
If it killed him, that’s what he’d do. Because there was an us, whatever that meant, and he’d do anything to keep it that way. Even stand by while she struggled financially. Christ.
The goddamned red light was still blinking, mocking his inability to communicate with the outside world. Distracted, and maybe needing to prove something about his trustworthiness even if she wasn’t ready to believe it, he pressed the button to play while she looked on.
“Hi, Blake, this is Jeremy. Jeremy Mosely, Dean of Social Sciences. You remember we spoke about the Associate Professor’s position? I know you turned me down then, and we went ahead and hired some bigwig advisor from Washington to come down for the summer semester. But wouldn’t you know, his guy got elected and now he’s backing out of the contract. Can’t change his mind and we’ve got a class without a professor. We’d love for you to reconsider…ah, who am I kidding? We’re desperate at this point. It’s only one class. Name your terms, Blake. You were always the best man for the job.”
Jeremy rattled off some phone numbers, but Blake didn’t move. Damn. He hadn’t really wanted Erin to know about that. It would only serve to highlight his uselessness. His brokenness. The fact that he didn’t have a job, beyond the occasional article in an esoteric professional journal or consulting on a grant application. Of course, the cat was out of the bag now, and if he tried to backtrack in any way, she would only look at it like he was hiding something.
A smile spread over her pretty face. “They want to hire you at the university? Associate Professor?” She laughed happily and launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “That’s amazing, Blake.”
Shit. He hugged her back and then gently set her away. “Erin, it’s not going to work out.”
“But he said you could name your terms. You think you could get an office with a window in it?”
“I don’t care about the office. I mean, there’s not going to be an office.”
Her head jerked back at his sharp tone.
He softened, pleading a little. “It’s just not a good time.”
She looked around the small cluttered space as if she were seeing it for the first time. After a long moment, she said quietly, “I see.”
Goddamn her, she probably did see. She saw the thick walls that separated him from the rest of the world, shielding him from their sight. And then what? Would she walk out and never return? Would he wish that she had, knowing some stronger, more functional man could better care for her? He couldn’t let that happen.
The inevitability washed over him, and he shut his eyes against the deluge. She wanted to go slow so she could figure out her life; the truth was he needed to do his own figuring out. Truth was he needed to do this for himself. How long could he remain in hibernation before he withered away to nothing?
His throat constricted, but he managed to say with no small amount of futility, “I’ll talk to him tomorrow. If the position is still open, I’ll take it.”
Chapter Five
Erin
A sense of rightness filled Erin as she ducked into the social sciences building. She’d been flush with anticipation all through her morning classes, knowing she would get to see Blake at lunchtime.
She had been busy working for a maid service that sent her to fancy homes around the city. Between the new job and studying, she was exhausted. That didn’t stop her from driving to Blake’s house almost every evening.
They were consigned to the night, with takeout and a movie downstairs. They’d tear open the fortune cookies, adding “in bed” to whatever it gave them for the future. Soon life will become more interesting…in bed. And then Blake would set about proving it true in a languorous lovemaking session in his bedroom until the sun streamed between his blinds. Blake had joked that he was a gargoyle, turned to stone at sunrise.
A not-so-subtle reference to the scars marring his handsome face.
This was different. Blake had accepted a position as a temporary adjunct professor with the university. Now she would get to see him in the daytime.
She balanced two lattes from the vendor outside, slipping through the heavy crowd of students exiting the lecture rooms. A few banded together in small lines in front of the closed office doors. Office hours most commonly ran during the middle of the day between the usual blocks of class times. They began the week before classes started, to allow students to meet their new professors.
In Erin’s case, she had gone to see her advisor, who she already knew from previous years. He was smart and unassuming, so she liked him. He’d given her feedback on her preliminary ideas for the final research paper. She would incorporate his critique into her outline over the next few days, and he would sign off on it when school began.