Erin said nothing.
“In fact, I… A professor, Erin? How old is he?”
“Not that old. It’s not like he was tenured or anything. Just a man with a graduate degree and a good academic reputation who they’ve hired for the semester.”
“I don’t understand. If you didn’t meet him through the university, where did you?”
Her stomach clenched. She took a deep breath. “I was cleaning his house.”
“Erin!”
“I’m sorry, Mom, but I just… It wasn’t a big deal.” A lie, of course. It had been a huge deal, and she’d known her mother would mind that most of all.
“Erin, men like that—”
“You don’t even know him.”
“I know enough. Men like that don’t respect women who clean their big, expensive houses.”
“Blake’s not like that.”
“Oh, so he’s not rich? He didn’t grow up with everything handed to him?”
“God. Not all rich people are like that.”
There was silence on the other end of the phone. They both knew what Erin meant. Whatever unspoken thing had been done to her mother by the man she worked for.
When she spoke again, her mother’s voice had softened into pleading. “Tell me this much. Did he ask you out, take you on a nice date like he can afford? Or did he make a move while you were working and suggest that you keep it a secret?”
She felt like she might throw up. She was just so confused, so upset. She didn’t really doubt Blake, but it was hard to explain. What could she say? I caught him masturbating and thought it would be fun to join in. That would hardly make her mother feel better. Besides, Blake had his own reasons for being so reclusive, and she didn’t want to get into that now.
As much as she disagreed with her mother’s assessment, she could also understand her worry. From the outside, it looked similar. Goddamned precedent. For reasons she couldn’t explain it made her angry to use Blake’s lesson in this, but she couldn’t ignore the implications. Her mother was the precedent here, the framework for analyzing her own situation. But in this case, the differences were so vital, so deep at the core, that it turned the precedent on its head. Her mother’s boss had taken advantage of his position. Blake was her friend. Her lover. And he didn’t deserve to be tossed away like garbage because she suddenly got scared. Even if she had a good reason to be scared.
She sighed. “I’ll work it out, Mom. Don’t worry.”
“Baby…”
“What about you? How are your knees?”
Her mother’s harrumph told her she didn’t appreciate the blatant attempt at distraction. “They’re fine. I’m always fine as long as my little girl is okay.”
She placated her mother with promises that she would focus on school and take care of herself. Which she would, but that included talking to Blake. Once she was tucked into bed, her tears fell freely. Melinda’s words kept replaying in her mind. I suppose the rest is just extra credit. God. What a bad day, that was all she could think. What a horrible day, and the one man who could make her feel better, she’d pushed away. She cried until she was exhausted and sleep finally overtook her.
In the morning her eyes were puffy. She felt tired and tense at the same time. A jog would loosen her muscles at least. She dressed quickly, throwing on her ratty workout clothes and graying sneakers. But when she opened the front door of her apartment, she stopped cold.
A small cardboard box sat in the alcove. Her body felt wooden as she knelt to look inside. A few of her books were stacked at the bottom. A sweatshirt. And a note. She unfolded it with shaking hands.
Don’t worry about M. I took care of it. Love you.
He’d written a note instead of trying to talk to her, exactly as she’d done to him. He’d come to her apartment and left this box of her things. A chill ran down her spine. If it were really over between them, if he was done with her…
Love you, he’d written. Two little words, and she hung every last one of her hopes on them.
Erin
Erin stared at the wide farmhouse.
The shutters were green. How had she never noticed that before?