Sloth (Sinful Secrets 1)

I feel a flash of mom guilt as MC carries Olive off, but it’s lost quickly in the typhoon of grief roaring through my soul. I drop my head down to my pillow and give into total hysterics.

Outside my window, waves crawl up a long, deserted shore. The sky looms low over the sea. A bird caws. Frantic. Like I feel.

I hold my pounding head and squeeze my pillow close. I miss him. I miss Kellan so much. I picture his face and sob so long and hard my stomach starts to churn. I drag myself into the shower and sob as I wash. I pull a swimsuit on, then flop down on my king-sized bed. I need to get out of the house. Instead I grab the nearest framed snapshot off my nightstand and grip it to my chest, as if that can ease my pain.

I hear my daughter’s gleeful scream echo down the hall… The sound of crashing waves floats in through the half-cracked balcony door. It’s a perfect summer afternoon. I have to stop. No use in grieving my old pains… Those losses… Terrible.

The more I tell myself to stop, the less I can. I curl over on my side, weeping helplessly. So tired…

The door creaks open and I tense. I drag a deep breath into my lungs and brace myself for Olive’s big green eyes.

Instead, I hear my husband’s long, strong strides over the hardwood. His hands clasp my shoulders and he rolls me over onto my back.

“Cleo?”

His blue eyes are wide and startled. His perfect face is stretched out in alarm. “Did something happen? Lyon?” He bends down over me, kissing my throat lightly. “Don’t leave me guessing, baby…”

“Not Lyon.” I shake my head and wrap my arms around his shoulders—and his chin tilts up; he sees the letter. He lets his weight rest over me, then sinks down to the bed, holding my head against his strong chest as he reaches for the letter.

“Cleo…why would you…? Why read this? Why right now, when things are so good, baby?” He presses his cheek to mine. His skin is hot. He smells so good. Like…marijuana.

I sniff. “Where’d you come from?”

“Where do you think?” He gives me a gentle smile. “I got something you might like.”

He reaches behind him, fingers delving into the back pocket of his jeans. He holds a tiny swatch of fabric up for my examination.

“CC onesie. Got a shirt for Olive, too. I gave it to her. She said, ‘It’s just like Mommy’s!’”

I take the onesie, tucking it over my pregnant belly. Kellan stretches out beside me on the bed. He kisses my eyes and nose and finally….gently…my mouth.

“Now why would you do something like that? On a day I’m off with the new franchise, you read that without me?” He smooths my hair back. “You’re lucky I got business taken care of fast and raced home to my woman.”

I wipe my eyes. “Not lucky! Unlucky. No more leaving

till the baby’s born. I mean it.”

Kellan chuckles. “You would think I leave you all the time.”

“You do.” I wrap my arms around his broad, strong shoulders. “That makes twice this pregnancy. No more. Say you won’t.”

“I won’t.” He takes the letter I just read and slides it in his back pocket. “I mean it, though. Why go back there right now, at such a happy time?”

“I want to be reminded of unhappy times. We were them too, remember. You wrote that to me, Kellan. Can you imagine? If I really had to read that?” Tears stream down my cheeks.

He strokes my hair over my shoulders. “No, love. I can’t imagine. Never have and never will. We haven’t had to.” His blue eyes are heavy on mine. His hand cradles my belly. “We are all four healthy. Here. Together. I’d say we’re pretty fucking happy, no?”

I wipe my eyes. “We are.”

“Do you know what day it is?”

“Of course.” I smile.

“Our anniversary. I want to celebrate….alone. What do you think?”

He’s already up, getting my soft, white cover up and my favorite flip-fop sandals. I watch him move around our bedroom, gathering a blanket…a bottle of water…and my favorite hair band.

He takes my hands and pulls me up off the mattress, smirking a little as I shift my hips to accommodate my growing belly. “Turn around. I’ll get your hair.”