“What?” Luna says, folding her arms.
I hold my breath, the tension enough to constrict my gut. Then Sandy throws her arms around Luna and holds her tight. “I’m so sorry about what happened to Jake,” she whispers. “I’m so sorry that I was a distraction to Tyler when you needed him.”
I’m so shocked. The rush of breath leaving my lips is loud enough to distract the bodyguard closest to me. Luna’s spine is straight, her head held high, but after a few seconds, she crumples before my eyes, and I can’t believe it.
Her arms slide from between her and Sandy, and she wraps them firmly around the girl who, five seconds ago, she was blaming. Tears trickle down her cheeks, and she buries her face into Sandy’s hair, ashamed maybe, of her emotional response. At least, that’s the way it seems.
It’s an odd scene with Luna pristinely dressed and Sandy still bleary from sleep, both resting on the other as though their unity is the only thing keeping either of them standing. “You know that Tyler would do anything to go back and be there to tell Jake not to ride that motorcycle. You know that he’d give anything to have his brother back.”
Luna nods and whispers yes.
“He needs you…he needs you in his life…he needs to know that you’re with him.”
“But he won’t be there for Mom…she matters to me,” Luna says.
“We’ll work something out,” Sandy says, although she has no idea what she’s promising. Tyler’s mom has always been trouble of the kind that there’s no saving.
“I just…I need to leave, but I can’t if I don’t know everything here is going to be okay.”
“It will be. Just go inside and see Tyler before you go, and I’ll deal with the rest.”
They pull apart and face each other, eye to eye. An understanding passes between them. An understanding that maybe only women can grasp. These two women who love the same man can come together to make things right.
Luna nods and begins to make her way back inside, her shoulders slumped, still flanked by her black-suited protector.
I try to follow her, but Sandy grasps my elbow, holding me back.
“Tyler blames himself?” she asks me. “It was his bike?”
I nod, and another tear runs down her cheek.
“And he blames me?” she asks.
“No!” I rest my hand on her shoulder, the soft, warm skin so tantalizing in my palm. “He doesn’t blame you.”
“But he left, and he never came back. He blames me for distracting him. He blames me because he wasn’t there to save his brother…to stop him from getting onto that bike?”
“No,” I say again. She’s not getting the truth of the situation. “He blames himself for Jake’s death, and he doesn’t believe that he can ever be a person who can love enough to keep you safe. He doesn’t think you can trust him because he failed his brother…because one day, he’ll fail you.”
Sandy’s lids close slowly, and she shakes her head gently from side to side.
“Trust,” she whispers, blinking slowly again. When her pretty eyes meet mine, they’re filled with sadness. “Maybe it’s Tyler who shouldn’t trust me.”
29
SANDY
This whole thing is a disaster.
Even as Luna embraces Tyler, I can see how fractured he is by what happened. Four years is a long time, but it doesn’t seem to have lessened the trauma of his brother’s death or softened the way he feels about his role in it.
I understand why he blames himself, but I don’t agree that it was his fault.
Jake was his own person. He made his own decision. He went against his big brother’s advice and left nothing but devastation behind him.
It’s so hard not to be angry with him. He’s not here to defend himself, and he definitely didn’t want to die. He was a risk-taker, just like Tyler was and still is.
The stupid racing.
The fast cars.
The fact he’s pushed me into the arms of his friends because he doesn’t trust himself with me.
I stand at Greg’s side and wish he’d put his arm around me. I need his rock-like strength right now, just to get me through these next few minutes. I would have said anything to Luna to get her back in here so that Tyler wouldn’t have that dead look in his eyes. And now I must find a solution to deal with their mom.
Tyler didn’t share much about his family, but he did share what a disaster Kaylee is.
I can do that much for Luna and Tyler.
And then I need to break out of this crazy situation.
Nothing built on crumbling foundations can ever stand. These men don’t know me. Not really. They don’t know how weak I am or what I did when I was broken.
My secrets have no place here because Tyler could never handle knowing the truth. He has enough to blame himself for already. And I know he’d blame himself for what happened after he left me to be by his brother’s deathbed.