Break Me

Stepping away, I guide her to the elevator and to my condo.

“Security is top-notch. We didn’t always have a doorman, but now there is someone here twenty-four hours. There are four men who do a rotation. As long as you are here, I promise, Lo, you are safe.”

I shouldn’t tell her this. I shouldn’t give her this false sense of security. She is safe here—from everyone but me.

Entering the front door, I check the alarm. No surprise there; Missy didn’t set it.

I look at Lo. “Give me a four-digit number you won’t forget.”

Her response is immediate. “Zero, four, twenty.” It makes me angry.

“No,” I say, clipped. “I know that is the day all was lost for you, but you cannot carry those ghosts here.”

“Zero one, two, eight.”

I arch an eyebrow at her. “Meaning?”

“The day I met you,” she whispers.

“Okay,” I say, resetting the code for the alarm. I then walk her through the steps to arming and disarming the alarm before I take her to my bedroom.

I walk in and can only shake my head at the mess Missy has left behind. My bed is slashed, the sheets have paint poured on them, and my lamps are busted. I guide Lorraine back out.

“I’ll get a new bed delivered today. My ex and I had this place together. She didn’t take the breakup too well.”

“I don’t have to stay here. I have a house.”

“No, this is a fresh start. You’re letting go of all that. You can stay here as long as you want, and I can stay at the hotel if you don’t want me here.” I look at her, knowing as much as I stand here and say the words, I can’t make myself stay away.

I feel like we need some space, and she needs to know she’s safe. There is a part deep inside me that doesn’t want to give her an inch of space. There is this need in me to be all over her, in her, and never let her go. I fight inside not to consume her. She needs to work out her past and I need to find a way to overcome mine. One part of me screams we are no good for each other. We are destined for disaster. The other part of me screams she’s a heaven-sent angel. We are destined to save each other. The more I try to tell myself to walk away, the more her eyes pull me right back in.

“I’ll go handle getting a new bed, and then I need to hit up the gym just to check in. Make yourself at home.”

“I’ll just call a cab to get my car.”

I can’t let her go.

“Lo, I’ll get your car. You better be here when I get back. If not, I’ll find you, and when I do, I’ll pink that ass for my effort.”

Her mouth drops open. “You wouldn’t!”

I smirk. “Oh, baby, I would, so get comfortable. You have the alarm. Let me get you a new bed, and I’ll pick up a few things at your place for you.” I pause, not believing I’m going to do this. “I’ll also pick up the cats, their food, and their litter boxes.”

At the thought of her pets, she smiles softly and seems to settle. “Don’t forget the cat condo. Boots loves to nap in it, and Socks uses it for a scratching post.” She pauses as if to think, “If I’m going to be here for a while then I’ll need scrubs for work.”

Mentally, I try to make a list of everything I need as I grab my gym stuff and give the place a once-over for more damage from Missy. In the kitchen, I find everything is gone. Every plate, every utensil, every pot and pan. Looks like my ex wanted to hold on to the non-fine china. I don’t give a shit. The woman needs to stay away and if cleaning out the kitchen does that for her then so be it. Looks like I need to stop at a store for some new dinnerware.

Part of me doesn’t want to let Lo out of my sight. I’m afraid she will run from me. The other part of me knows we both need time. I need her to know she’s free to come and go as she wishes. She needs to know she isn’t leaving one prison to enter another. I need to think on my own. Having space between us, I can think over her reactions.

When I climb into the ring or octagon for a fight, I study my opponent. Overcoming whatever shit Lorraine is doing as Heidi is my new opponent.

Heidi is hot as fuck, but she doesn’t hold a candle to Lorraine and the connection we share.

I don’t want another woman who is going to drive me mad. I want someone to cherish who can see beyond all the bad.