“Jason, this is Rochelle,” Lo introduces. “She’s Ryan’s stepsister.”
“Oh, has the good daughter come home?” Rochelle asks, plopping down rudely across from me.
Ryan sits directly across from Lo as his parents sit at the ends of the table.
Ryan jerks his eyes to her with fury. “Rochelle, Lorraine is more than welcome to come home anytime she wishes.”
Mrs. Bennett smiles at Lo. “I would love to have you back. Sam tells me you are selling your parents’ house.” She blinks as if she’s fighting to contain her emotions. “Letting go is hard, but it is healthy, you know.”
Ryan drops his head at her words before his father chimes in. “When Ryan first started dating Heidi, we all became close. We just knew they would be together forever. We knew we would all be a family together.” He sighs and looks at Lorraine with sadness. “Ryan hasn’t moved on since your sister, either. Like my wife said, we know letting go is hard, but it is healthy.”
I try to push back the thoughts in my mind. I try to take these people at face value. Lo trusts them and has a deep bond with them, no matter how fucked up I think it is. I wish I didn’t have this feeling that there is so much more to the Bennetts and their love for Lorraine.
Dinner is awkward at best, as time and time again, all of the Bennetts except Rochelle push for Lorraine to come home to them. They have no regard for what Lo wants or the fact that I am sitting right there among them. Meanwhile, the more Ryan looks at her, the more I want to break his face.
“I think it’s time to go home, Lo. I’m sure the cats are ready for bed,” I finally say, getting up from the sitting room after our meal. My clothing is the normal business attire I would wear with a sports coat at work, so I want nothing more than to get out of it.
Lorraine looks at me for a second too long, making me question whether she is ready to leave or not.
Mentally, I prepare for a fight. My gut twists as my past haunts me. Please don’t fight me, Lo, I silently beg with my eyes. My adrenaline kicks in as I tell myself it’s time to go and she’s with me, so she goes, too. Only, Lorraine doesn’t argue. Other than the pause, she nods, smiles, and says her goodbyes.
“Thank you for taking care of Lo when she needed you. Dinner was delicious,” I tell Dr. Bennett, shaking his hand. I don’t bother with the others before I guide Lo to the car with my hand at the small of her back.
I don’t speak on the car ride home. I am at war with myself. Part of me is battle ready. I feel like I’m walking on a ledge, and I could tip at any moment. My brain is running a mile a minute, waiting for her to fight with me.
She paused. I must have done something wrong. I retrace our night. What did I do for her to react in that way? What will she say when we get home? How hard will she push me?
She nods to the doorman as I guide her inside my building with my hand at the small of her back. The elevator ride is quiet and tense. I feel my blood pumping in preparation for war.
She makes her way inside, immediately stepping out of her heels. The cats come over, and she rubs their heads before making her way into the kitchen.
I move to pass by when she turns sharply to me.
Here it comes.
I steel myself for the verbal blows.
“Jason,” she says softly, “I’m sorry if I upset you. I didn’t—”
“Fuck you, Lo!” I roar, interrupting her. “I hated every minute of being in that house. I’m not that kind of man. I don’t know what I did in there, but—” I stop my pacing back and forth. “Wait a minute.”
I look at her wide eyes and see the fear in them. My mind automatically went into defense. There is no reason for it.
I back myself up against the wall. “You’re sorry? Did you say you’re sorry?” Why would she not attack me, push me, and take it farther?
She nods and takes a step toward me.
I raise my hand to stop her. “Don’t. Please don’t come near me.” I’m too amped up. I need to work this out for myself before she can touch me.
I fight to calm my breathing. I fight to get myself under control. I was prepared to defend myself and us, and it wasn’t necessary. I was ready to blow up and fuck her up, fuck this up, and it would have been wrong.
I move to the far side of the living room, and she follows me into the dark space yet keeps to a safe distance. I look out the window onto my balcony and see the city lights.