Break Me

He smirks then shakes his head. I hear a low chuckle, and then he says, “Sorry, I’m a little off.”

“If it’s any consolation, champ, I think you were pretty right on. A knockout.” I smile.

He laughs and grabs my hand, placing it on his shorts. “You do remember I can go more than one round, don’t you?”

I grip him hard, and he groans.

“I’m counting on it.”

“I need a fucking shower,” he declares, pushing up off the bed. “You wanna join me?”

I cross my legs without thinking, and he laughs.

“I promise to leave you alone . . . for a little while, anyway.” He grabs my hand and pulls me up.

My legs are shaking, almost rubber-like, and he notices.

He bends down and swoops me up. “Let’s take a bath.”

“Sounds perfect,” I say, scratching my nails up his neck, causing him to shiver.

“You better not do that again,” he grumbles.

I shriek when my ass hits the cold countertop he sets me on.

He chuckles. “Did you hear that sizzle?”

“Hear it? I felt it,” I answer, allowing myself to sink into the coolness.

He starts the water then walks back over to me, looking over my shoulder into the mirror. He lifts his chin and rolls his eyes.

“He looked worse than you.”

“Always do.” He sighs.

“Not true.”

He grabs me around the hips and spins around before setting me in the bathtub. “That night was an exception. But I would get my ass kicked again if it landed me at your feet once more,” he says, stepping in the tub and settling in.

I can’t stop the smile that spreads across my face. “You mean it?”

His eyes narrow as he looks me over. “Do you really have to ask?”

I shake my head.

A smile plays on his lips as he pulls me by my ankles toward him. “Good. Now I need to ask, was tonight awful? Is that side of me too ugly? Can you handle—”

I take his face and hold it between my hands as I pull myself onto his lap. “I have never felt happier or safer than I do when I’m with you, regardless of whether I am in this bath or in the basement of a building with a hundred people.” I lean in and whisper, “It was incredibly hot, too.”

The past week has been amazing with Jason. I told him that I am considering leaving the hospital, that both Dr. Bennetts make me think of the past, and I am ready to move forward. He sends me ads and links he finds for registered nurse positions elsewhere. All are weekends off, all are nine-to-five jobs, and all are in offices. All of them sound like a dream compared to what I am doing now.

I walk out of the lounge and see Ryan walking toward me. I look around and see his father watching us.

“You are really considering leaving here?” Ryan asks once he is within a foot of me.

“It’s a good career move for me,” I answer with a smile.

“It’s him, isn’t it?” He looks somber.

“No, I needed a change, and Jason is being very supportive,” I reply, walking past him.

“Lorraine.”

I stop and turn around.

“I want you to be happy.”

“Thank you.” I nod. “He makes me happy.”

I wake up to find Jason is not in bed. I’m not afraid, though. I know he would never leave me without telling me he was stepping out.

I get up and walk out into the living room, where I find Jason with his hands clasped behind his neck as he stares at the laptop sitting on his legs.

“Fuck,” he sputters, and my chest tightens. “There has to be something somewhere.” He rolls his neck and sighs. “Come on; let me find a connection. Let me see it. Let me see you, motherfucker.”

“Jason,” I say as I walk up and put my hands on his shoulders.

He looks up. “You should be sleeping. You have to work tomorrow.”

“So do you.” I walk around and sit beside him. “Talk to me.”

“I’m not getting any closer,” he grumbles.

“You’ve narrowed it down,” I say, trying to ease his angst. He looks down. “Jason, what if I was wrong this whole time? What if—”

“Then I’ll make damn sure there is no doubt, and then I will push to reopen their case until we find out who did it. Fuck!” He stands up and sets his laptop on the coffee table. “I hate the cops.”

I stand up, shut his laptop, and take his hand. “I want to go to bed in the arms of the man who makes me feel safe.”

He falls asleep before I do, and I watch him.

It scares me to think I may never find out who killed my family, but it scares me more to think that, if I am wrong, I am pushing him too hard. But what terrifies me most is the thought I could push him completely away.