Last week was our one-year anniversary. One year of being the girlfriend of the boy everyone wanted and nobody could have: Ryan Bennett.
Ryan made plans for us to have a weekend at the river house. It was the first time we would have a weekend alone. No hiding, no need to hurry, a weekend to hold each other and make love without the threat of interruption.
I made up an elaborate story, and my overprotective parents bought it hook, line, and sinker.
When he called the day before and said he didn’t think he could make it, I made plans with a friend to avoid arousing suspicion.
When he sent me a text telling me that he could meet me, I told my friend’s parents I had to get home. I lied and said Lo was having boy problems and needed me.
When I got to the river house, I couldn’t get out of my car fast enough. I nearly ran up the dimly lit walkway. Then, when I opened the door, I saw candlelight, and the fireplace was roaring. My heart swelled at the thought behind such a romantic setting.
When I took my coat off and placed it over the back of the couch, I saw him, and I saw a woman on the floor in front of the fire on the bearskin rug. She was naked, straddling him. The noises coming from her made me sick. The way his hands gripped her ass and guided her made my heart break. The things he said to her disgusted me.
“That’s it. If you wanna fuck me, you little whore, then fuck me right. That’s it, you little slut, you dirty, filthy little slut.” He groaned.
I covered my mouth to strangle my cry, and then she looked over her shoulder.
I froze. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. She turned around and sat on him backward. I heard his hand hit her ass hard, and she looked up and saw me.
She didn’t look surprised. She held his dick in her hands, her eyes glued to mine, and she sank down on him. My body trembled, and her eyebrow rose as she fucked him, crying out his name, all the while looking at me.
I turned and ran out of the house. I don’t even remember driving home. I have no idea how I made it without getting into an accident.
I don’t know what I am going to do. I don’t know how something like this could happen. And I don’t know how I couldn’t have seen it all along.
I want to fall asleep, but when I close my eyes, I see her, I hear him, and I feel my heart breaking again.
My stomach tightens, and my fear heightens. That sick son of a bitch used his love for Hi to fuck Lo when he never loved Hi. No, Ryan Bennett loves his dick and nothing more.
I’m a fucked-up mess of a man, but this is beyond the realm of pain even I would inflict upon someone I claim to love.
I dial Ryan Bennett. No answer. I dial Dr. Bennett. No fucking answer. I dial Mrs. Bennett. I come up empty-handed.
I sit back with my phone in one hand and the diary in the other. As I turn the page, I fight inside not to completely lose my shit and take out every motherfucker who ever came into contact with the Bosch family.
February 19, 2011
It has been a week that I have ignored his calls, deleted his messages, and felt like I existed in a world where nothing was real. In a world where things that never should happen do happen. Things that are wrong, disgusting, and despicable. A world where Ryan and her sleep together.
He was outside today when I came out of school. He blocked me in and wouldn’t let me out. He got in my car, and he cried. He cried and told me he didn’t understand why I was avoiding him, that he was sorry he couldn’t make it.
I slapped him across the face and told him I saw him. I saw them. I couldn’t even say her name. I told him I hate him, that he was disgusting, and all six feet of him curled into himself and trembled, right before opening the door and throwing up.
I told him to get out, to go to hell, to never look at me or speak to me again.
He told me that, since it started with her, he has wanted to die. The guilt, the disgust, the shame, the lies ended that night. She promised him it would be the last time. She promised him all the photos, videos, everything she held over his head would be destroyed if he would just be with her one last time.
I told him I saw them. I told him I got a message from his phone telling me to meet him. I told him I heard him and that it was something I would never forget and never forgive.