My chest loosens, and another tear makes its way down my face. I close my eyes again, body trembling uncontrollably. I feel sick and don’t trust myself to stand right now. I’m dirty, exhausted, and my wrist hurts like mad. I wince when Sister Celeste goes to move it, cleaning the tiny cuts I have on my forearms from being dragged.
“It’s a little swollen,” she notes, gently wiping away dry, crusted blood.
The infirmary doors open again, and Maryellen and Tabatha hastily walk to my bedside. Lucas moves out of the way, and I squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to see anything that’s going on. I can’t handle it right now, and even though Lucas heard our baby’s heartbeat, it doesn’t mean she’s okay.
I sit there, unmoving, while I’m cleaned and examined, letting Maryellen and Sister Celeste do what they need to do. Not shocking to anyone, my blood pressure is up, and Elena is now measuring thirty-five weeks, according to Maryellen’s measuring tape. Now that I’m thinking about it, my skin is uncomfortably tight across my stomach. If I could see the bottom of my belly, I’m sure I’d find lines of stretch marks from my rapidly growing baby.
Physically, I’ll be fine. Maryellen wants me to go back to the hospital, but what would I say? I “fell” again? How will I explain the cuts and bruises on my body when Lucas has none on his? And Elena grew again in just a few days. I’m a medical mystery. I can’t be treated like a regular human, and with my baby showing more and more signs of using magic and being positively affected by it, she can’t be treated like one, either. I’m going to have to have a home birth, which I definitely didn’t want. The fact should jar me, but right now, nothing does.
“You’re more than welcome to stay the night in here,” Sister Celeste tells me, taking off her latex gloves. The small garbage can next to the bed is full of blood-soaked gauze. “Though once the sun comes up, we’ll have to find another arrangement.”
“The Academy’s guest rooms are currently empty,” Tabatha says. “The velvet curtains will block out the light.”
“Thank you,” Lucas says. He talks to Tabatha for a few seconds, but I don’t pay attention to their words. I think about the beach in Australia, trying to remember what the waves crashing on the shore sound like. “Callie?” Lucas asks in a way that I know it wasn’t the first time he called my name.
“Yeah?”
“Are you hungry?”
“I don’t think so. I’m…I’m tired.”
Tabatha blinks away her emotion. “I’ll take you to the guest rooms.”
Lucas helps me up, and we walk silently through the Academy. I’m slow going, wincing when I go up the stairs. Elena does a somersault, stretching out with her feet jammed in my ribs. The discomfort is welcome this time. She’s moving and is okay. Somehow, she survived the horrors of the night.
Taking a skeleton key from the pocket of her hunter-green dress, Tabatha unlocks the door and steps to the side, allowing us to come in.
“If you need anything, you know where to find me.” She sets the key on a dresser and takes both my hands, eyes filling with tears again. “You’re home. You’re safe. I love you, my darling.” She wraps me in a tight hug. “I will bring you both clean clothes.” She looks at me a while longer and then leaves, closing the door behind her.
I’ve been in the Academy’s guest rooms before. They’re similar in layout to the dorms, with matching decor. Usually, being here is calming. Inviting. It gives me the feeling of going home after a long vacation.
But right now, I’m just numb.
I don’t want to feel. I want to stay numb, but with each passing second, I’m more and more at risk for the heartache to crash back down on me.
Lucas takes my hand and gently pulls me with him, going into the en-suite bathroom. He turns on the shower and then silently strips me of my clothes. Then he picks leaves and other debris out of my hair as the water warms up.
He takes his own bloody clothes off and pulls back the shower curtain, getting in and bringing me with. Crimson water swirls around my feet. I can’t stop staring at it. It swirls around the drain, teasing me, reminding over and over how I failed tonight.
My face crumbles, and I turn in to Lucas. He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head.
“Close your eyes,” he says and steps back, taking the showerhead down, rinsing all the blood off me. Once we’re clean, he turns the water off and wraps a fluffy black towel around me, patting my skin dry. I’m capable of doing this all myself, but I just can’t.