Off Limits for You (Fated to Love You)

One time, Ash dared me to drink a whole container of the frozen concentrate straight from the container after letting it sit out for a couple of hours to melt the frozen bits. I think I had pink lemonade sugar rushing through my veins instead of actual blood for three days, but yes, it was also delicious when consumed that way. Unhealthy but delicious.

After everyone has a glass in their hand, Elodie finally sits. My family planned ahead and left her an empty chair opposite me in the strange-shaped circle we’ve made in the living room. I think they’re already working on their divide and conquer strategy. Or maybe they don’t want us sitting so close that we conspire about what to say. Perhaps they want us to face each other.

It could also be that I have no idea what they want because I have no idea what I want. It seems that all the things I thought I knew, things about how the world works and everyone’s place in it, have been shot to sticky shit on a stick.

“You’d make cute babies,” Kirian says, breaking the silence out of nowhere. Everyone had just been sipping their lemonade politely until that point.

I nearly groan because here it comes. The floodgates have been opened, and Elodie and I are going to drown in my family’s best intentions and well wishes.

“Super cute babies,” Lindy confirms. She’s sitting to Kirian’s right, and they gaze at each other, all doe-eyed. I can see them imagining how their babies would look one day, and just no. I don’t want to imagine them making babies.

I tear my eyes away, but they land on Ash and Ellis, who are also giving each other moon-faced looks. I hope Toren and Luna will be doing better, but she’s turned around, so she’s looking at him, and she’s giving him a look that says they’re both thinking about baby-making positions despite the fact that they have a kid already. I guess families can have more than one kid even if they’d have a significant age gap, but seriously? Ugh.

I can’t look at Elodie, and not because I’m afraid she might give me a signal that her ovaries are ready for action. For the love of fudge, why did that pop into my head? She would never use that expression, and it makes me think about the rest of her being ready for action, which makes my dick hard as a damn…fudge—not going there. Not with all my family surrounding me.

I carefully glance at Granny, and no. Just no. She has this sickeningly happy expression on her face too, and I’m not sure if she’s hopeful for more great-grandchildren or if she’s thinking about some old or new flame—big-time shudders.

Even Jeffers, who is sitting lazily by Elodie’s chair, gives me a loving doggy expression. He’s either very sated that he consumed an entire cake, or he’s thinking about fire hydrants and humping someone’s leg.

“You know…” I feel like it’s my duty to say something to dispel the incredibly awkward, sickening, love-struck atmosphere in the room. “This is why I prefer the company of a rancid fart to all of you.”

Elodie snorts but quickly slaps her hand over her mouth. Ellis, on the other hand, gasps, Ash huffs, and Lindy elbows Kirian. Kirian grunts, and it kind of sounds like a fart, though I’m not sure if that’s what he was trying to do or not.

“That’s not true!” Toren says lazily, not offended in the least. He shifts his knees, and it looks like Luna is riding out a storm. “It’s straight-up nonsense. You love us all.”

I meet Elodie’s gaze, and her blue eyes settle on me. She looks happy, and she’s even smiling. She’s so gorgeous that my cock throbs, my balls tighten, and I feel like I’m riding a sugar high even though I haven’t even had so much as a sip of my lemonade. No doubt it was made with the correct water to concentrate ratio.

My stomach is churning like something worse than an accidental shart is brewing up. Something might brew up. Or down. No, I think it might be my doubt, or lack of doubt, which would be worse because no one can know that anything is going to last for sure.

As if Granny can read my thoughts, and we aren’t entirely sure she can’t, she clears her throat and gives me the old Granny stare down, which can probably melt titanium, just so you know. “You need to grow up, Taylen. You all need to.” She looks at my brother, sister, and cousins, each of them in turn. It’d be amusing to watch them all wither under her gaze if I weren’t in the same position. “You’re all big, bulky bozos who have more muscles than brains.”