“What did you and Calvin discuss?”
I felt the blush rising again, the excitement brewing in my belly. Then hope came bursting through me before I could batten it down. I hated hope. I was terrified of hope because it always let me down. But I liked thinking that maybe we made the right move in coming here, that South Vale would be different, that Calvin would be a good thing—maybe he could even be a great thing.
“He said he’d show me around if I wanted him to.”
“That’s sweet.” My mom bent over and started filling up the taller shelves above me. She had her Lily of the Valley perfume on which always made me sentimental for my childhood. I loved the freckles on the backs of her hands and on her arms, her silver bangles that always made noise to signal she’s around.
“When he gave me his phone number, he kissed me goodbye on the cheek. I wonder if that’s something they do here, different from home?”
“Sounds like a regular, boy-thinks-girl-is-cute thing to me. You should take him up on the offer.”
“I don’t know if he’s my type. I mean, I’m probably not his type. I’m epileptic. I don’t want him to see my arms.”
My mom nodded compassionately while she took a swig from her bottle of Diet Coke. She swore to my dad she would quit them, so she hides the evidence at the bottom of the recycle bin. I didn’t turn her in because it’s probably tough being married to a cop. You couldn’t break the law, you’re not allowed to drive over the speed limit. You had to be an upstanding member of society—at least for outward appearances.
“Ellie, I know you don’t want to hear this from me. But coming here to South Vale wasn’t just for me and your father. This is supposed to be a fresh beginning for you too. Don’t nip it in the bud before it even starts. Don’t let your condition run your life for you either. So what, you seize, some people have panic attacks and other people have smelly feet, it’s called being human. I doubt Calvin will hold that against you. And if he does, he’s a jerk.”
I was on my knees but I turned over my shoulder, nodded, and made eye contact. I didn’t want her to think I’m depressed or ungrateful because I was neither of those things. I just didn’t want to get my hopes up if only it meant that later I’d crash and burn, just like always.
Chapter 5
CALVIN
“What is the matter with you?” Fox asked as he took a drink of apple juice right from the bottle. My brother didn’t really know what happiness was, at least he hadn’t been able to be his own person for almost as long as I could remember. He was one of them now and there was no going back.
Fox was the first-born son, so the pressure for him to join the family business was much worse than it was for me. Fox was the golden boy in my father’s eyes and even though he found my father’s dealings as deplorable as I did, he never crossed the line to set my father off. Fox went with the flow, he rode the bike, hung out at the clubhouse, drank with the guys, he was even talking about becoming a prospect. I thought he was insane for considering the idea that he join up seriously. His life was worth so much more than just crime, club whores, and senseless violence. But it wasn’t my choice and I couldn’t control him.
“What’s gotten into you, asshole?” Fox asked me as I smiled at him. We gave each other shit, but we were tight. I’d do anything for my brother and I was pretty sure he had my back as well.
“I met a girl today, man. She’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and I can’t get this stupid grin off my damn face.” I pointed at my own smile.
Fox started to laugh, a boisterous, contagious laugh that took up the whole room. He walked over to me and punched me in the arm.
“Little man finally asked out a chick, huh? Good for you. I never thought those balls would drop.”
Unlike me, who’d never been really interested in girls, Fox was the opposite, a player through and through. I wasn’t sure what it was about him, maybe they smelled the danger and just threw themselves at him, but women loved Fox. I mean they really loved him. I think he had his first girlfriend in kindergarten and from there, never stopped going.
Over the last two years he’d gotten pretty serious with Cherry Ferguson. She had an intense reputation, everyone knew who she was, even my dad kept bragging about how his son was bringing her home. But I didn’t think their relationship was just about sex.