I watched her practically tackle him in the front yard. She was covered in flour and he was holding berries and juice, but that didn’t slow her down. He accepted the hug wholeheartedly. The smile on his face made me weak in the knees and gave me butterflies as I made my way to the door wiping my hands on my own apron.
I swung open the front door and vertigo spun me so hard, I couldn’t tell up from down. I grabbed onto the frame and clung to it as I went down. I felt sixteen years old again, as the blackness ran through me. Helpless, afraid, destined to be alone.
When I came to, which must have been hours later, I was propped up on my own sofa, covered by a cozy blanket. The house was warm and the lovely aroma of blueberry muffins tickled my nose. Calvin was on the chair to my right and Adele to my left and they were strumming their guitars and singing to one another. I sat up and both of them dropped their instruments and were immediately at my side.
“No!” I protested. “Go back to playing. That was beautiful!”
“Mom, are you okay. Have you been taking your medication?” Real worry furrowed my daughter’s brow.
“I’m fine, honey. Just big emotions, you know how it goes.”
“What a flashback, Ellison. You scared us. I voted for the hospital, but I called Fox and he said the stress would do you in. Told me to give you the pump and let you sleep it off.”
“You did the right thing. The ER is terrible. Especially when they want to hold me for 24-hour observation. No thank you.”
“We were so worried,” Calvin said. He reaches out to tuck my hair back, but I beat him to it. He pulled back and looked guilty. “Fox is on his way. He had to be at the club, but is on his way back now. Charlie called you. Adele spoke to her.”
“She had a vision last night. She said Calvin is not dangerous, that your ambivalence is unwarranted—whatever that means. Anyway, we made muffins and they are bombs. You should have one and some coffee!”
Despite my seizure, Adele was in a great mood. She’d basked in the attention from her father and confidence now oozed off of her. I could get used to someone else loving my daughter.
Could I get used to Calvin?
My heart was in absolute shreds over what I felt for him.
Fox arrived an hour or so later. I was now propped up with pillows eating muffins and listening to the two of them play, bicker, then change the arrangement and the key. I felt slightly left out and hugely in awe of the immediate and intense connection they shared. In a way I felt jealous, but I also felt angry. Adele could have loved her dad long distance for all of these years.
“Do I smell cake?” Fox bellowed from the foyer. He had a key. He let himself in. It was our way and had been for what seemed like eternity. “Holy Crap, Dellie, if you made cake and didn’t save me any, there’s going to be hell to pay. Mainly in the form of those concert tickets, Sean Melendez, what’s-his-face. Uncle Fox can’t bring you unless you feed him cake!”
Fox lumbered into our presence. Adele set down her guitar and jumped into a bear hug with her uncle. He walked over and shook hands with Calvin, who stood looking slightly uncomfortable. Fox then came to me, leaned down and brushed my hair back from my forehead.
“Ellie, for Christ’s sake, don’t get us all so worked up.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead and I watched Calvin’s muscles tense as his brother’s lips touched my skin. But then Fox messed up my hair like I was a kid.
“Come on, Dellie! Feed me cake!” he roared. He chased Adele into the kitchen and strategically left Calvin and I alone.
I patted the couch next to me, I wasn’t even sure why I did it. It pained me for him to think Fox was hitting on me when he’d been our only family for years now.
“You know, in all this time, he was never inappropriate. Not even a smidgen. That’s one thing you Montgomerys’ have in spades—conviction. I think Fox has a thing for my dearest friend Charlie, the one who called. To be honest with you, I haven’t dated Calvin. I didn’t want to bring anyone into Adele’s life who wasn’t going to stay.”
Calvin whipped his head around and pierced me with his intense green eyes. His expression was a heady mix of trauma, hurt, and loss. But there was enough passion in his eyes to send me spinning again. But this time, I fought for control.
My whole life, I’d always made such an effort to control my mind, my body, and especially my heart, and I failed categorically every single time, and this wasn’t any different. My mind told me Calvin was too unpredictable, too dangerous. But my body yearned for him until it hurt and my heart wouldn’t ever even consider anyone else.