Wrath (Sinful Secrets 4)

Like last night, I get the impression he’s a good guy. Like…a real one. It’s weird as hell to me that he’s got such foul language while being married to a famous pastor. Also that the two of them are really gay. A gay pastor. I try to distract from the train wreck that’s me by ribbing the guy about his love of four-letter words, and he defends himself, grinning the whole time.

He seems…happy. I realize that’s what it is. Maybe happy is the wrong word. He seems content. Like he’s so comfortable in his skin. I can’t help wondering what he’d think about me if he knew all my shit. Would he still be comfortable and nice, with kind eyes and that reassuring manner? Or would it freak him out, be way above his paygrade? What about his husband? How would the pastor feel if I asked him what I came here to ask?

Such a dumb fuck, I tell myself, rubbing a hand over my hair.

“Listen, dude. Nobody’s gonna keep you here if you don’t wanna stay, but chew on it. And let’s go to the den and watch some boob tube and get more food for ya.”

I snort at him saying boob tube. “That’s what my Mom’s dad used to call it.”

He does little guns with his fingers, pointing at me and saying, “I’m not your mom’s dad” with a twinkle in his eye.

“But you are a dad.” I’m smirking as I push off the chair’s arms and to my feet.

“I am a dad,” he says, opening the bedroom door to the hall. “Can you believe they just give little wiggly babies to novices?”

“Well, they’re born from a mother,” I point out. “Are the moms really novices?” I can’t help another big smirk.

He gives me stink eye over his shoulder as we move through the hall. “Honestly?” he says, sounding more serious, “I sort of think they are.”

“What about instincts?” I ask.

“Mothering instincts?” he says. “Can’t speak on that. All I know is my instinct is to hold her like a doll and never put her down. Also, you know…all moms don’t have instincts. Unfortunately.”

That hits me right in the chest.

I feel sick remembering my dream and thinking of my mother as I follow Vance through the living area and toward the kitchen. Does she have no instincts, or is it just me? I really think it’s just her feelings about me—because when I was little and she didn’t know the real me, she was so much nicer. More like a mom.

“Sit down right there, Padawan,” Vance says, pointing to a glass-topped, round table in the kitchen area.

“Star Wars?” I ask.

“Hell to the yeah,” he says, opening a kitchen cabinet. Then Luke McDowell comes in with their baby, and the baby’s fussing.

“Oh snap. Look at you,” Vance coos to the baby. “Someone needs a bottle.” I watch as he looks down at her, as his face softens and his mouth curves, and he looks into the pastor’s eyes and they share this…look. It makes my chest feel hot and tight. It makes my throat ache.

I look at the table, and then Luke McDowell is standing near me. I can smell him. Some kind of cologne, I guess. There’s a long moment of silence, as Vance preps a bottle for the baby. Then Luke says, “We’re glad you stopped by.”

I look up at him like wuttt, and he gives me a funny little smile. “I mean it,” he says, his eyes doing the twinkle thing like Vance’s do. Like everything in life is so amusing. “You’re our first real house guest since we hitched our carts together.”

“Where’d you come to us from, Padawan? If you don’t mind,” Vance says.

“Endor,” I say, reaching. I’m not sure they’ll get it, but the pastor’s face lights up, then stretches with a big grin, and Vance gives a low whistle as he puts a bottle into some kind of small, round machine.

“The boy knows his Star Wars,” Luke says, clearly approving.

“Pastor McDowell here has got a real light saber,” Vance says. “From one of the sets. We’ll have to show you.”

“Really?” I ask.

The pastor’s eyes move over my face as he nods. “That’s right. Vance’s favorite thing about me.”

Vance snorts, and Luke gives him a smirky little look as he starts to bounce the baby more.

Finally, the bottle’s ready. Luke starts feeding the baby and Vance takes a seat at the table, where he chats my fucking ear off. I gotta give it to him—dude is personable. Pastor Luke has got that whole chill, older dude vibe going. He seems nice, a little serious or shy, maybe. Thoughtful, I guess. Vance seems thoughtful, too, but really friendly. It’s like…his husband is more of a closed door—half closed, anyway—but Vance Rayne puts it all out on the table. When he talks to me or asks a question, I feel like he’s focusing on me with all his focus powers.