“I’m not. I’m giving you a wee break so you can decide whether you want to go through life alone or open your heart and be loved. I can’t make the choice for you.” Finally, he released her with a sigh.
She scrambled away and jumped from the bed, spearing him with a teary accusation. Betrayal narrowed her eyes. “I knew you were going to do this eventually. I told you from the beginning that you’d give up on me and leave, just like everyone else. I knew I wouldn’t be good enough for you. I told you… I’m so stupid for hoping you’d be different.”
As she made a mad dash for the door, his heart sank. He ran after her and slapped his palms against the door on either side of her so she couldn’t open it. “Raine, hear me well. I’m not leaving you. I’m giving you some space so you can figure things out. You won’t have my expectations hanging over your head to cloud your thoughts. I’m always here to answer questions or reassure you. And don’t you dare be thinking about running away. But you have to search your own soul. If you’re willing to do the work to be whole and want what we could have, come back to me. If not…” His fucking heart was breaking, and he could barely choke the words out. “Then this is the end.”
Raine stood under the hot spray of her shower, sobbing so hard she could barely take a breath. For the last month, Liam had quietly and solidly supported her, keeping her balanced and almost happy. He’d treasured her in a hundred ways. He’d shown her every day that he wanted her.
Until today when he’d left her.
How was she going to survive when she felt as if her chest had been torn open and everything inside yanked out with a few brutally soft words?
She reached for her favorite shampoo. But it was with Liam, in his room, in his shower. He also had her body wash, a bunch of her clothes…and half her heart. He didn’t want that half anymore.
And Hammer wouldn’t take the other half.
Crossing her arms over her chest, she curled her hands under her chin and bowed her head. The absence of her collar stabbed her with agony again. And remorse. Falling back against the cold tile, she let the tears flow. They mingled with the water, pelting her unrelentingly.
Liam had left her.
The thought razed through her brain again. Her knees buckled. Another sob robbed her of breath. More tears joined the cascade of water. She could barely think past the pain.
On autopilot, Raine shampooed her hair, scrubbed Liam’s seed from her body, washed her face, then stepped out. The towel smelled like fabric softener, not Liam. She’d become so accustomed to sharing his, smelling his musk on the damp terrycloth. It made her feel safe. Why hadn’t she realized that before now?
Why hadn’t she been able to tell him that she loved him when she did, so very, very much? The disappointment on his face had seared itself into her memory.
Maybe it didn’t matter. He’d made himself clear that he would welcome her back, but only if she was a different person. Raine didn’t know how to be that.
She dredged up an almost superhuman effort to slather lotion on her skin, braid her hair, and apply lip gloss. Raine gave up then. She just didn’t care about the rest.
Leaving the steamy bathroom, she wriggled her way into some panties, a bra, a pair of sweatpants, and a sweatshirt. Lying in one of her drawers, she fingered an old T-shirt that had been Hammer’s once, long ago. She’d taken it from him and slept in it for months, just to feel close to him. Shortly after turning twenty-one and realizing that he still treated her every bit like a child, she’d tucked it away.
Raine knew now that his attitude had been a front…but nothing had really changed. He would never love her in return. Sure, he might want to fuck her for a night or two—and yes, she could run to his room and seduce him now—but she loved Hammer too much to make him the instrument of her revenge. And regardless of the hurt Liam had inflicted, she just didn’t have it in her to stab him in return.
Shoving the shirt back in her drawer, Raine looked around the room she’d called her own for years. She didn’t belong here anymore.
So where did that leave her? More to the point, where did she belong? Liam had released her because she couldn’t be what he needed. Hammer had refused her for so long, and after their torrid night of passion, he’d let her go for the exact same reason.
Her dad had been right all along. She wasn’t good enough.