Sympathy settled onto the older man’s face. “She knows, but I’ll be happy to remind her for you. Look, I know things seem bleak, but I won’t stop until I’ve turned over every pebble, rock, or boulder to clear your name.”
“I appreciate that,” Hammer replied, wishing he shared the same conviction. But all he could picture was Raine and Liam without him, and the ocean of tears she’d be crying if he never returned home.
They said good-bye. As he watched Sterling and the cop disappear down the hall, he felt gutted. Lost. More desolate than he’d been when Raine had run away from Shadows, abandoning him and Liam.
He supposed he should look for silver linings. This shit storm hadn’t happened years ago, when Raine had still been a girl. At least Liam would be by her side to give her love and protection if Hammer could no longer be there himself.
It would just hurt like hell.
Macen stumbled to the lumpy cot and sank down, not giving two shits about the condition of the bed. Bracing his elbows on his knees, he took his face in his hands and bit back the scream trapped inside him.
Thirty years was a lifetime to lose—away from Raine and Liam, and the baby he ached to raise and watch grow. He could well be a grandfather before he tasted freedom again. And after spending three decades behind bars, what could he go back to? Liam and Raine would have forged a new life without him, sharing more children and happy years that didn’t include him. When he was finally released, Macen would be an outsider looking in.
And after thirty years apart, how would Liam and Raine explain his sudden return to the family they’d raised? How would their children ever grasp the fact their parents had once been a threesome, especially if they’d never mentioned it before? His reappearance could cause unconscionable damage.
But more disheartening was the thought of Raine waiting all those years, pining for his return, and blaming herself for his fate. She would dutifully visit him while he rotted, sit across from him and share stories of her happy life with Liam. It wouldn’t take long until Hammer resented his best friend for living the dream they should have shared together. How long would it be before he turned his venomous rage on Raine and sent her away for good because the sight of her ripped him in two?
The thought of never holding her in his arms again made Hammer shake. Memories of him and Liam sinking inside her soft body together and taking her to the stars would never be enough to last him through the interminable years. He’d eventually go crazy, longing to feel her wild beneath him and shattering around his cock, her screams echoing in his ears. The notion that he would never again know the pleasure and love they shared unleashed a new realm of anguish inside him.
He couldn’t put Raine, Liam, or himself through that kind of torture.
Hammer lifted his head and scanned the cold, depressing cell.
He’d make bail in a few days, but if it appeared he would serve the next thirty years trapped behind bars…
“I can’t.”
Macen raked a hand through his hair. He refused to spend his life trapped in this hell, just as he refused to hold Raine and Liam hostage. If Sterling exhausted all options, he’d have some tough decisions to make.
A black veil of regret enveloped him. Instead of spending the last six years making memories with Raine, he’d let guilt consume him. Like a cancer, it had festered, convincing him he wasn’t worthy of Raine’s love. He’d spent his nights sticking his dick in women who didn’t matter while ignoring the only one who did. And for what? Had years of mental self-flagellation made him a better fucking man? No.
He’d let remorse convince him he wasn’t whole enough to lead Raine down her submissive path without fucking up her life. He’d insisted that his Dominant needs were too harsh for her to handle because he “required” a slave. Hammer scoffed at himself. The truth was, he’d spent years greedier for a sub’s power than her heart. He’d been a manwhoring coward.
He hadn’t really lived.
Until he and Liam had embraced Raine.
Prison wasn’t anything new for him. He’d been so determined not to repeat the sins of his past that he’d locked himself away years ago.
Hammer stood and paced again. If he somehow made it out of this mess, he vowed to change. He’d open up and share his entire soul and make up for all the years he’d spent wallowing. He would live life to the fullest. Happy. Content. Committed.
Sending up a silent prayer, he did something he’d never done before; he dropped to his knees and begged.
For mercy.
For this fucking nightmare to end.