The coach gives me a strange look over the desk. “Sometimes when you fight with fire—now forgive me for beatin’ a metaphor to death here—but you stand a chance of gettin’ burned yourself.”
I cross my arms. I try to picture Vann as the demon everyone in Spruce wants him to be. I try to picture him beating Hoyt to a bloody pulp—but can’t. All three of them—Hoyt, Julio, and Benji—made it out of that cafeteria scene without a scratch on them. Yet here I am, still dealing with the ghosts of that day.
My jaw tightens bitterly. “Yeah, I get what you’re saying.” For some reason, I imagine how Vann might respond to something like this, and then the words fly out: “Guess I’ll set aside my plan to burn down the school next time Hoyt pisses me off.”
Coach Strong’s face hardens. “Now, I know you’re kiddin’, but that ain’t somethin’ to joke about, Toby.”
It’s like Vann’s attitude has possessed my mouth. “Maybe you should ask yourself whether you called me in here to make sure I’m okay, or rather just to make sure I’m not gonna go badmouth your precious athletes and—what was it, you said?—‘tarnish your Spruce Tigers reputation’.”
The moment the words fly out, a jolt of fear wriggles through my body. What am I doing? Why am I talking to Coach Strong like this? He’s not only Jimmy’s older brother, but he also happens to be a decent guy who’s done amazing things for this town. Despite that, another voice inside tells me to stay strong, not let down, and stop apologizing for the way I feel. He called me in here to make sure I’m okay, didn’t he? Don’t I owe him some honesty?
Coach Strong stares at me for a moment, like he’s trying to figure me out. “Let me make something … more clear, if it wasn’t before. If Hoyt was causing trouble, giving my team a bad name, or harming you in any way at all, I’d bench him for this weekend’s Homecoming game without a second thought. It isn’t ‘reputation’ that concerns me. It’s my students’ wellbeing—that includes you, Toby—and the decency and character of my athletes.” Just then, the phone on his desk rings. He sighs, grunts, “Just a sec, sorry,” then answers it. “Yes? … Billy, I’m in the middle of—” His face tenses up, then collapses with a sigh as he slaps a hand to his forehead. “And I really thought it’d work out this time. Damn.” He bites his tongue, turns away slightly in his chair, and in a quieter voice murmurs, “We shouldn’t let this discourage us, babe. Look, we both knew this was gonna be challenging, and—Yeah. Yes, right. Right. Just … I know, tonight’s a bad night. The dance and all. We’ll talk more later. Toby’s in my office right now, and we’re in the middle of—” He peers over his shoulder at me. “Billy says hi, apologizes for interrupting, and wants you to know that you’re singlehandedly keepin’ his mother sane at Biggie’s.” Then he cups the phone to whisper, “Love you, Billy, talk later,” before hanging up the receiver with a heavy sigh. He stays in that position for a long moment, gripping the hung-up receiver and staring at it.
I take the bait. “Is everything okay, Coach Strong?”
“Tanner. In here, you can call me just Tanner. You know me.” He sighs again, still gripping that receiver. “Billy and I … we’re … tryin’ to make something happen, and every force in the universe is against us.” He speaks to that phone, keeping all his thoughts with it. Then he turns his face to me. “Sorry. This isn’t … what I brought you in here to discuss.” He lets go of the phone, but only to take hold of his head. “What were we sayin’? Before he called?”
“The decency and character of your athletes,” I answer dryly.
Coach Strong slowly nods, as if mulling it over. Then just as quickly, he seems to change his mind about continuing where we left off at all. “If you got anything you’re goin’ through—anything at all—you come straight to me. You are not alone, no matter what.”
“Got it.” I take hold of my backpack off the floor. “Can I go?”
He studies me a second longer. “I’ve really noticed a change in you lately, Toby. It … worries me.”
I frown. “What is there to be worried about? I don’t let people walk on me anymore.”
“Well, I won’t reprimand you for a little confidence, but …” He winces. “It’s somethin’ else I can’t put my finger on. Toby, I don’t want you wrapped up in bad influences, if you get me.”
Jimmy got to him. Cookie-cutter brothers. “Vann’s a good person.”
“I’m not sayin’ he isn’t. I’m just—”
“And I’m doing better than I’ve ever been. And I wish people would see that instead of just seeing … something different.” Yet again, the spirit of Vann’s defiance surges into my bones. “I’ve got to get to my study hall. Can I go?”