Wanderlust

James’s hands finally stilled at his side. “Laura. If she’s telling the truth, we have to help her.”

Laura’s expression hardened. “Even if I knew for sure she was telling the truth, I’m not going to help put Hunter behind bars again. No matter what.”

My stomach turned over. So that was it. Once more someone had seen my helplessness and turned away. That this was more pers

onal, an old unexplained loyalty to Hunter made it bittersweet but no less painful.

How sad, to realize my mother was right after all. Her righteousness tasted like acid in my mouth. I hadn’t wanted to believe it was true. What a lonely world. So very cold.

Distantly, I heard banging coming from downstairs. Hunter was done with his shower.

I stood and walked to the back door. Laura was demanding I come back. James was asking me to give him a chance, promising he’d help me, that he was on my side if I’d just trust him. What a joke. I unlocked the door and stepped outside. The night air was cool on my face, sprinkled with early dew. Sunrise was just a strip of blue along the horizon, barely peeking from its slumber. I crossed the lawn in my bare feet, the grass tickling my soles. Then faster. They’d go down and let him out. Any second he would come barreling after me.

How badly did I want to be free?

I picked up speed, running over the ground, the darkened green blurring beneath my feet. Faster and faster, until my breath sawed through my throat, until pain stabbed my side. I went toward the line of trees. They’d talked about the lake out back where they’d gone fishing, part of an elaborate trail and camping grounds.

Brush tugged at my dress, pulling at my hair, the small pain sweeter because I knew it meant freedom. Each small rip of my skin, each bruise of a rock beneath my bare feet was the soft plunk of a coin in exchange for one more second in the wild. Like an animal, I ran with no direction, no plan, my singular goal to escape.

I ached everywhere, inside and out, but still I continued, and finally I understood fully what Hunter had meant. I thought in those moments that I would die from this alone, that my heart would burst out of my chest, that my body would seize and fall to the ground, but I kept going. It wasn’t even wanting something badly, it was wanting it more than death. It was dying for something and being reborn.

Minutes, hours passed as I ran through the trees. I could run forever and not see another person, I thought. I could fall down and never get up, but more than relief I wanted freedom.

Sunlight broke through the trees, irreverent to my hopeless wandering. Birds chirped as I passed by, going about their day while I hungered and ached. Just like the people had done. I was alone, but I didn’t want the statement to wring sadness from my heart anymore. I wanted to be like Hunter—content in my solitary travels. Though when I had begun to look up to my captor, I didn’t know.

Adrenaline was a sweet elixir rushing through my blood, giving the world a lovely orange glow. Everything seemed breathless and yet wonderful, gasping for air and laughing all at once. It was almost as sweet as the rush of orgasm when he—no, I wouldn’t think about that.

That had been wrong. Disgusting, even. He had warped me into thinking it was okay, even for a few minutes, for days, weeks. I didn’t want to do that again, not ever. Which was convenient, because I couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone but him.

That was only the limitation of my experience, I reminded myself. I straightened. I was going to try lots of things. Maybe not sex, but there was more to do in the world than that, wasn’t there? No one would call me naïve when I was finished.

I walked for some time before my feet began to bleed. The grass had seemed like manna at first, like a magic carpet that had carried my away, but now it caked onto my sore feet, dragging me down.

I tried to think smarter, strategically. I didn’t have any of the things from my backpack, didn’t have my car, and I was alone in the woods. Not an auspicious beginning to my newfound freedom. But I resolved to keep going. Just keep walking and I’d find something new. Something better.

The afternoon waned into dusk, the edges of my vision tinted with purple. I could only see trees in every direction. I was so tired. Thirsty too. My worst fears began to surface in the delirium. I wasn’t cut out for the regular world.

Gradually, like the drift of a cloud, I became aware of the tinkling of water. I stopped walking and cocked my head to listen, then headed in that direction. It felt like I’d never find anything, like maybe it had been a mirage even as the rush of water got louder, the taste of moisture in the air grew thicker.

Shadows lengthened on the ground and pooled into darkness. Night had fallen. I glanced back the way I had come and saw only darkness. How far had I gone? Miles, light years away. It was impossible to tell and didn’t matter anyway.

I was too far away to be found by Hunter. Too far to ever find him again, even if I wanted to, and an inexplicable sadness stole my breath away.

The ground beneath my feet turned from grass to muck then to wet sand. I stumbled out onto a steep beach. Gentle waves lapped at packed sand. A burst of joy and relief pushed out of my body as a laugh. I stumbled down the bank, washing my feet in the frigid water. I splashed it on my face and drank it down.

When my feet were numb from the cold, I reluctantly returned to the shore. A soft of smoky air tickled my nose. Fire?

Running over the heavy sand, I saw a reddish point of light in the distance. The closer I got, the hazier it became, large and weighty—a campfire on the beach, and that meant people. I felt light, flying, almost there.

Two black shadows burnished with orange approached me while I babbled: p-p-please help me, oh I’m so glad I f-found you, I was lost. One of them got a blanket and draped it over me. Slowly the shapes turned into people. They were young, maybe my age, maybe a few years older. Both male, though I would have been hard-pressed to use the word man. Despite the scruff marring their faces, they both had a boyish quality. It was their eyes. No worry there, no hardships weighed on them. They did not seem overly concerned with my hardships either. One took a sip from a beer bottle.

The other examined me with detached curiosity. His dreadlocks were tied back with a ribbon, his shirt ripped down the side, exposing pale skin stretched over slender ribs. “Where you from, sweetheart? You damn near gave me a heart attack. You came out of nowhere, like you flew from the sky.”

I blinked. What a strange thing to say. “I was running away from—never mind.”

It was a relief, I told myself. These were exactly the type of people I had been seeking in the first place. They didn’t take things too seriously, not even a dirty, bruised woman stumbling out of the woods. Maybe they were even thrill seekers. That would explain why they were out here in the middle of nowhere, camping on the beach. Devil may care.

The circumstances may be strange, but I wasn’t going to waste this opportunity. In fact, as the seconds ticked by, instead of calming down, adrenaline flooded my system.