Afraid?
“He’s kind of…” I stammer, because I barely have the words for what I need to ask. “Can I trust him?”
That earns me a soft laugh. “Trust? I’m not sure anyone can know him, much less trust him. But if you stay in Tanglewood, you’ll hear the stories.”
“What kind of stories?”
“The kind that get told around campfires. Horror stories.”
“Those aren’t real.”
“He is.” The corner of Luca’s mouth turns up. “The money that he puts in my account is real enough.”
I can do anything I want with you.
The things he would do to me would be real enough too.
* * *
The first time I ever rode in a car, I was eight years old.
A woman with kind eyes came and too
k me away. Mama had a strange look on her face, like she was trying to be brave, so I tried to be brave too. Even though the building scared me. And the people scared me.
They put me in a room with no windows. A camera was set up in the corner, watching me. I looked anywhere but at the shiny black lens. A doll slouched against the bench on the floor. Her hair was red. Building blocks climbed each other in the corner, every color of the rainbow. Who could play at a time like this, away from their family?
My heart beat a little faster, just looking at them. These were toys that hadn’t been made in Harmony Hills, that hadn’t been sanctioned by Leader Allen. I knew how wrong it was, and that made me want to do it more. I fought with myself for what felt like hours until the woman with kind eyes came back in. She had another person with her, a man. He smiled at me but stood silently in the corner while the woman asked questions.
How do you like living in Harmony Hills?
Who watches you?
Does anyone touch you? Where?
I answered all the questions as best I could, so I could go home. I like it in Harmony Hills. Mama watches me. No one touches me, not ever.
They weren’t lies, not really. Most of the time I liked my life, but I didn’t have a choice. I knew the woman wasn’t really offering me one. And Mama did watch me most of the time, except when she was praying with Leader Allen. It took a long time, because her soul was so dark. At least, that’s what Leader Allen told me.
The woman asked me that question a lot of times, using words in different ways so I would understand. Giving me a hug or giving me a bath didn’t count. The way Leader Allen put his hand on my head when he was testing my faith, that didn’t count either.
That was the day I learned that there was another kind of touch that might happen to me.
The next time I ever rode in a car was a bus that took me from Harmony Hills to the farthest place I could go. A city called Tanglewood.
“Come,” Ivan says, and I don’t hesitate. There’s nothing for me in the basement of his business. This is like the room from before, with no windows. No toys on the floor, but I understood them now for what they were. Distractions. A kind of test, like the files on his desk. And probably there was a camera somewhere in the room, watching me. Seeing if I passed.
I follow him up the stairs, my gaze trained on his shoes. They shine, even in the dim light, and they make a harsh sound with every step. My shoes are blackened and completely silent. I’m his shadow as he leads me out a back door into the night.
Luca follows us to the car and opens the door.
Both men watch me expectantly. When I don’t move, Ivan cocks his head. “In.”
In. Just that, a short command. Like I’m an animal to be put in her cage. “Where are you taking me?”
“Home,” he says.
That’s what the woman said too, when we left the room. She drove me back to Harmony Hills, and he isn’t taking me there. He’s taking me somewhere strange, somewhere new. It isn’t my home. Even so, hearing the word soothes me.