The deed to the Grand. That’s what he gave me.
I can’t—Why would he—
He stands, voice grave, eyes not quite meeting mine. “I’m glad to see you doing so well, Candace. I thought… Well, the country seems to suit you.”
Then he’s standing, walking away, leaving only the faint impression of expensive fabric and constrained power. I can only stare at the place where he had been, wondering, praying. He’d asked me once, What do you want then?
Something to call mine.
Then I’m standing up, saying his name. He’s already made it to the door, long strides taken quickly. I have to shout, and it echoes back to me from the walls. He stops walking but doesn’t turn. Not until I run toward him, bare feet slapping the floor, graceless and terrified. He’s leaving.
And he’s leaving his heart behind. It’s a hollow man who faces away from me, shoulders tense. He’s leaving his heart behind, that’s what he’s telling me by giving me the Grand. He had a hundred businesses, some of them more lucrative, almost all of them more glamorous than a seedy strip club in the poor part of Tanglewood. It was his heart, and he gave it to me.
“Ivan, wait,” I say, catching up to him. “Please.”
He turns, only halfway. Listening. Waiting. Hoping? “What is it?”
“Take me with you.”
If I’d been hoping for him to take me in his arms, I’d be disappointed. He laughs, a rough sound. “You’re happy here, Candace. Stay happy.”
“No, I’m—” But I can’t lie, not about this. I am happy here, happier than I’ve ever been. My own place, my own place. My own body to dress and move and touch how I please. It’s something I’ve never had before. “I want to be with you.”
He turns to me then, letting me see the ravage on his face, the utter desolation. “You want a mirage. I’m the man you left behind, little one. That will never change.”
My breath catches. Little one. “I don’t need you to change.”
One eyebrow rises, disbelieving. “No? Then why did you leave?”
“Because…” I take a deep breath. “Because I needed to change.”
His gaze sweeps over me, cataloging every change. “Maybe you’re right. I thought you were beautiful before. Now you look even more beautiful. More than that, you look happy.”
He gives me the compliment with such an easy grace, it steals my words. He’d been so closed off before, holding me so tight I couldn’t breathe. Now he’s giving me the Grand, he’s giving me his kindness. He’s so open, and with a sinking heart, I realize this might be the end. Only now can he be this open, when he’s leaving it all behind. He’s finally opening his fist, only for me to realize how much I needed the crush of him, letting me go when I realize how much I want to stay.
My lower lip trembles. Tears fill my eyes. “I’m your little one.”
His expression softens a fraction. “I know.”
“Then how can you walk away?”
“How can I do anything else? I came here to beg for you back, to tell you I could be different, be better. That I w
ouldn’t need to treat you like a little girl. But I can’t do any of that.” He stalks away two steps and then returns. “Fuck, look at you. You’ve never looked so happy, so innocent. And so damn little.”
I take a step back, away from the fury in his voice. “Is that a bad thing?”
“Yes, it’s a fucking—I want you like this all the time. And I want you like this in my goddamn lap while I feed you from my plate and then put you to bed. I can’t help wanting it, little one. All I have to do is look at you, and I’m hurting with how much I want you.”
I was afraid of his spankings, of his humiliation. I’m still afraid, even though it turns me on. But taking care of me…that’s what I want too. He held himself back out of some twisted sense of honor, as if maybe kinky spankings were okay when tenderness was not. “Take care of me, Daddy.”
His eyes flash. “Don’t fuck with me.”
“That’s a naughty word.”
He reaches for me, hand tangling in my hair. “Daddies use naughty words sometimes. And they do naughty things, don’t they?”
“Yes,” I say meekly, knowing exactly where this is heading.