The Lies That Define Us (Us 2)

***

I stood at the back door and watched the sun rise above the horizon. I held a coffee cup in my hand, but the black liquid was cold and tasted too fucking bitter to drink. I could only make coffee right one time out of ten.

I’d gone back to bed after my kiss with Ari, but sleep had eluded me worse than it had before. I kept replaying the kiss over in mind and her reaction afterwards. I was beyond curious as to what had snapped inside her. It hadn’t been the normal, “I don’t want you to kiss me” reaction. There was too much fear in her eyes. Not anger.

When the sun had fully risen, I turned away from the view.

Seeing the sunrise was the only good thing about getting little to no sleep. There was something about seeing the sun ascend into the sky that grounded me. It was like it reminded me to look up and cherish another day because I was fucking alive even if I felt dead inside.

I poured my disgusting excuse for coffee down the drain and wiped the sink clean.

I hated a dirty sink.

I hated anything dirty.

I cleaned my mug too and stuck it in the dishwasher before emptying out the coffee maker and cleaning that too.

I was about to make a fresh pot of coffee when Ari padded into the room. I glanced up at her but didn’t say a word at her presence. She looked like shit. Her hair was in disarray, little wisps of hair fluttered around her forehead. Her eyes were bloodshot with dark circles beneath them. I doubted she’d gotten any more sleep either. We were quite the pair.

She cleared her throat and stepped forward slowly like she was tiptoeing across ground that might fall from beneath her feet at any second.

“Let me do that.” She took the empty coffee pot from my hand. “Your coffee sucks.”

I shrugged. “It does.”

I took a seat while she put water in the coffee maker and added the filter and grounds. When she was done, she had no choice but to turn and look at me.

She hadn’t been staying with me long, but it had been enough time for us to grow comfortable with one another’s presence. We had to be, living together and what not, but in that moment the awkwardness from the first few days had returned in full force.

I’ve never been good at fixing things like this.

My cousin, Willow, used to joke that I could make a problem out of anything and then make it even bigger with my inability to speak up and clear the air.

That was years ago.

I was older now, and while I’d proven I wasn’t much wiser, I figured there was no time like the present to try.

“I think we should play a game.”

Hesitant blue eyes reluctantly met mine. “What kind of game?” She toyed with the string on her cotton shorts.

“Don’t worry, it’s an easy one.” I tried to smile to assuage her worries, but it probably looked more like a grimace. I wasn’t sure my face muscles knew what a genuine smile was. Was there such a thing as male-resting-bitch face? If so, I had the most severe case.

“Okay,” she said the word slowly, leaning her butt against the counter behind her.

I knew she was trying to stand as far away from me as she could, and realistically I knew that was for the best. I might’ve kissed her, but it didn’t change anything. It didn’t change who I was or I how I acted. It would be better for both of us to keep our distances, because at the end of the day, I’d always be an asshole. Someone might argue that I’d gone from a pretty nice fucking guy to this, so why couldn’t I change back to the old me, but life didn’t work that way. When events and circumstances change you…well, they fucking change you. There are scars left on you. Not physical ones, but ones that pierce your soul, and those are the kind that never fade or go away. They’re forever.

“Explain,” she added, when I took too long to speak.

I groaned and shoved rough fingers through my hair. It was getting too long and the dark strands hung down into my eyes, shielding my gaze from her, and when I spoke I wanted her to see the honesty in my eyes.

“It’s a long-lasting one,” I stalled. “It’ll take days, weeks even, to play.”

Her brows furrowed and her nose crinkled in thought. “I’m lost.”

I held up a hand in a gesture to tell her that I was getting to the point. “Every day, you and I will share one truth with each other. It doesn’t matter the time, or the place, just that we fucking do.”

“I don’t know.” She was hesitant, shuffling her feet on the ground.