“I’m sorry,” I say, meaning it. “Mia is … I like the way I feel with her. I feel like me, a me I forgot even existed. I’ve let the little bit of fame we’ve received go to my head. She brings me back to reality, grounds me. I tried to stay away, to fight what I felt, because I knew the position I could put us in if I pursued anything with her, but fighting it became impossible. For both of us. I’m not asking for your approval, but I am asking you to respect my actions. I’m doing this because I care about her, not because I’m being reckless.”
Cannon’s jaw is clenched but he sighs and says, “We’ve noticed the difference in you. I didn’t think it was possible but she’s mellowed you out.”
“I think we’ve all mellowed out,” I retort.
Fox snorts. “There’s not much trouble to get into in this small town.”
I crack a smile. “It’s never stopped us before.”
“I’ve definitely not mellowed out,” Rush smirks.
I glance at him. “Last I checked you were only sleeping with one girl. I think it counts as mellowed out.”
He looks shocked, as if just now realizing he’s only been with Kira since we got here.
Cannon looks at me, leaning forward with his hands clasped. “We can’t ask you not to see her, but fuck, man, be careful. If you get a wandering eye cut her loose immediately.”
My jaw snaps closed with an audible click. I know I deserve him saying that. I’ve jumped from girl to girl the last few years, but it still irks me because Mia is different and I’m different with her. But it seems like that counts for nothing, not when there’s more proof of my manwhore behavior.
“You don’t need to worry about that,” I finally say.
He raises his hands innocently. “I’m not trying to piss you off.”
“I know,” I admit. “But don’t talk about her like she’s just another girl I’m going to grow bored of. She’s not. She never was.”
Cannon shrugs. “Good. It’s about time you grew serious. Ever since she came into the picture you’ve been more focused on music too, and in my book that’s a good thing.” He stands and stretches. “Now, if you don’t mind I’m going to bed.”
He leaves and I look at the other two. “Do you have anything to say?”
Fox tilts his head. “She’s a nice girl. Don’t fuck this up. I’m not saying that because she’s Hayes’s daughter, but because she’s too good to be strung along by you. If you care about her, keep proving it.”
I’m irritated by his words, but again I know I deserve them. I deserve worse.
Rush leans back in his chair. “You know I never judge.”
With the conversation finished I slip back into my room.
I pause, leaning my back against the closed door.
Across from me, sprawled beneath the crisp white sheets of the king size bed is the most beautiful woman in the world. She lies on her stomach, her arms wrapped around the pillow beneath her head, with her red hair billowed in a wild torrent of flame. My too large shirt falls haphazardly off one of her slender pale shoulders. Her lips are parted with sleep, her chest rising and falling softly with each breath. She looks comfortable, and too good, too kind, to be in my bed.
I question whether I’m being selfish by caring for her. Is it wrong to crave being around her? To want her company? She makes me smile, laugh, and feel free. She gives me hope. Hope for what? I don’t know.
I take off my boots and hook my thumbs in the back of my shirt, yanking it off. I let my jeans fall on the floor and get in bed.
I roll over, facing Mia. She looks impossibly peaceful. I wish the dream world could claim me so easily.
My mind however, decides to dwell on things I shouldn’t. I can’t help but wonder if by caring about Mia I’ve inadvertently set myself up for failure, destined to fuck this up and become a miserable bastard once more.
If I ever break her heart I’ll never forgive myself.
* * *
I’m stirred from sleep by the feel of lips on my neck.
This is nothing new.
The lips trail over my chest and then back up, sweeping over my cheek.