“He’s going to want you to quit,” Candy says. I can hear the pout in her voice. “Th
en who am I going to have to annoy at the club?”
“Umm, all the other girls? And he’s not going to want me to quit. I mean, he is, but I’m going to say no.” That is, if he’s still a free man after whatever he does to Travis.
“The other girls don’t stand up to me.”
“That’s because you’re mildly terrifying.”
“Thank you,” she says earnestly. “And he’s going to convince you to quit, just watch. Men are very convincing with their dicks. It’s why I don’t let them inside me.”
I snort, thinking of Ivan. He may not have put his inside her yet, but he’s thought about it. “I’m not going to quit. I have to bills to pay.”
“I mean, obviously he will help with that. I’m all for saying no, but if you’re going to let one fuck you…”
“No, Candy. That’s not how relationships work.”
“It’s how some relationships work.”
I picture Blue with his lust and his anger, fire and ice. I remember him that last night at the club, the sweet way he kissed my clit before making me come. I don’t know how it can work while I’m stripping. I don’t know how it can work if I’m not. “All I know is that I want him. I want something real. For the first time in my life, I want something better.”
* * *
I push the glass doors open and send a small wave to the doorman. I expect him to give me that genial smile and press the button so the elevators work. Instead his expression is serious as he steps out from behind the desk.
My stomach drops. Has Blue banned me from coming to his building?
“Ms. Brown?”
I almost feel like crying as I stare at the doorman who once believed I belonged. What does he think of me now? “That’s me.”
“If you have a moment, I’d like to add you to our systems.”
I blink. “What?”
“If I can take down your information, I’ll add you to the system. That way I can give you a key card and the guards on other shifts will know you’re allowed up.”
“Oh.” A question is forming, and I’m afraid to give it a voice. “Did something change? I mean, we didn’t do this before.”
And then I get the gentle smile I’ve been missing, almost fond. “Actually, Mr. Blue notified us that you’re to be given complete access to his apartment. If you’re busy now, we could do it another time.”
“No, I think…now would be best.”
Because depending on what I find upstairs, what I say—Blue may very well throw me out. And he might forget to notify security when he does. At least then I’d have a way of getting back in.
Chapter Nineteen
It turns out I don’t need the key card to get in. The elevator doors open on a quiet hallway, everything beige and silver and sleek. From a few yards away I see the crack in Blue’s door.
It’s open.
I slow down but keep walking. My eyes narrow as I take in the strange state of the door—and the smudge of something dark on the handle. Blood?
I’m probably overreacting. It’s probably just dirt or paint. And the door is probably propped open because he needed to carry something heavy. I can’t shake the dread in my stomach though, especially after our last conversation.
I put my palm on the door and push. It’s heavier than I expect.
The apartment looks normal enough. The furniture is in place. No horror-movie pools of blood. No body on the couch, still warm but long gone—that was how I’d found my mother. That vision has haunted me for most of my life. It still does, but now I’m moving past the empty leather couch. Now I’m searching for someone else.