Panic has been steadily building. I feel violated. I feel terrified.
I want more popcorn and more wrestling. I want more of that foreign, bursting feeling inside my chest. Stolen moments before I have to return the wreckage of my own life. So I nod in silence.
His arm tightens around me. He says nothing either.
There are no promises made, no lies I can pretend to believe. As soon as this interlude is over, I’ll be back on the street—penniless and, after my apartment was sacked, homeless. The people looking for me will find me then.
Chapter Eighteen
For that day and the next we exist in a bubble full of great food and great sex. By tacit agreement we both avoid talking about my parents or Ivan or anything too sharp.
When I sit down for dinner a few days later, I know the bubble has burst.
The food looks amazing—steaks and a crisp, green asparagus. There’s a small chocolate cake waiting to be cut into. A hidden stereo system streams the “Christmas Canon.” It’s almost a celebration, but I’m not fooled. There’s something simmering beneath the surface.
It feels more like a last meal.
“What’s wrong?” I ask West’s back. He hasn’t turned from the salad he’s tossing even though I know he senses me here. He always seems to know where I am.
When he turns, I see the truth in his expression. It’s time for me to leave. “I have to go out,” he says instead. And I’m surprised but not relieved—I feel the end drawing near.
“Did something happen?” What I mean is, Did you find Jeb and Maisie?
It’s kind of sick that I hope they won’t be found. If they are found by the Caivano family, they’ll be killed. But if they aren’t found, I’ll have to answer for their debt.
West looks grim. “I won’t know until I see for myself.”
“Can I come with you?” I’m afraid at what we might find at this mystery destination, but this is my mess. My problem. I got him into this, it’s only fair I be there with him.
He shakes his head. “It’s too dangerous. I’d rather you stay here.”
Dangerous. It is dangerous for me here, but not for the reasons he thinks. It’s dangerous to feel acceptance, to feel love. It’s dangerous for someone like me to hope. “You’d be with me.”
“I don’t know what I’ll find there. Here there’s a security system and a dead bolt. And a pistol in that drawer.” He nods to the corner. “This is the safest place you can be.”
I can’t help the relief I feel. I don’t want to see Jeb or Maisie if they’re hurt. And I definitely don’t want to see them if they’re alive. There’s a part of me that doesn’t even trust myself. That if I see them, I’ll fall prey to whatever con they try to run, to whatever lies they tell. The desire to have parents who care runs deep, an ache that will never really go away.
It’s like a stay of execution. I’ll have to leave eventually, but not now. Not yet.
“You’ll be careful,” I implore softly. If it could be dangerous for me, it could be dangerous for him. I know how skilled he is, but Jeb has gotten himself in deep. I’ve gotten in deep too.
He nods, looking more determined than worried, my knight in shining armor.
And I’ll be alone in the castle tower.
“After dinner?” I ask, my voice small.
He seems relieved too, that I didn’t put up a fight. He must not realize how desperately I want to stay here, how much I’ve come to love this place—and him. He gives me a kiss on the forehead before sitting beside me. “After dinner.”
I want to believe I have a future with West, that he’ll be safe, that I will too. But the past has its hooks in me too deep. I’m no princess.
I don’t deserve a fairy-tale ending.
Chapter Nineteen
There’s not much to do in West’s apartment—except snoop. I’m curious about him, but it turns out I don’t want to find out anything he doesn’t want me to know. He trusted me, even when I didn’t deserve it. I’ll make sure he can trust me now.
I spot my faded leather bag tucked into a corner by the sofa. For a second, I wonder if that could be what the men are after. But there’s nothing but old tools that any lock pick would have.